Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm Going to Be Honestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: istalkmurdoch
    Elite Ratio:    7.06 - 129/48/25
    Words: 283
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1870



    Description:
       Old, but something I worked really hard on.

    Feedback?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm Going to Be Honestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    if you want me to be honest
    well here you go
    I wish things were like they were
    not like this pitiful show

    where people leave
    left and right
    along with my hope
    until it's out of sight

    when weekends mean nothing
    just more things need to be done
    and playing games
    that will never be won

    when my mom throws a cookie
    straight at my face
    then tells me she hates me
    with crumbs all over the place

    when I realize that life
    is not what it was
    when things were okay
    life had its own buzz

    but now it feels like
    life has taken it toll
    and time is not moving
    not even a little roll

    people have moved on
    I'm stuck where I am
    without anything
    not even strawberry jam

    Jesus is here...
    I don't mean to sound like a bug
    but it bothers me sometimes
    that I can't give Jesus a hug

    some may laugh
    at what I just said
    but trust me it sucks
    that thing you just read

    knowing someone
    who gives you all this stuff
    but your flesh wants something else
    what you want is not enough

    then you realize that
    want and need are not the same thing
    wanting is just whining
    with a nicer ring

    needing is hating
    the things you get the most
    it's like twitter
    along with all the pointless things you post

    I got so distracted
    from writing this note
    that I've forgot why I was sad
    oh look there's a goat!

    not really...
    forget what was just said
    I'm really tired
    so I'm going to bed




    Submitted on 2010-05-31 10:12:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you know what ,it seems like you're going through tough times and this is a good thing to use to deal with that. this is actually pretty good in spots for being nicely formatted and it seemed like you were expressing things genuinely. what's nice about writing is it's something that comes more naturally with practice and it can always be a "good" thing. sorry, i'm rambling, but yes we do that around here, it's cool to be distracted by random goats.
    | Posted on 2010-06-07 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185402

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry