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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'm Going to Be Honestdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: istalkmurdoch
    Elite Ratio:    7.06 - 129/48/25
    Words: 283
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 532
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1870



    Description:
       Old, but something I worked really hard on.

    Feedback?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'm Going to Be Honestdots
    -------------------------------------------


    if you want me to be honest
    well here you go
    I wish things were like they were
    not like this pitiful show

    where people leave
    left and right
    along with my hope
    until it's out of sight

    when weekends mean nothing
    just more things need to be done
    and playing games
    that will never be won

    when my mom throws a cookie
    straight at my face
    then tells me she hates me
    with crumbs all over the place

    when I realize that life
    is not what it was
    when things were okay
    life had its own buzz

    but now it feels like
    life has taken it toll
    and time is not moving
    not even a little roll

    people have moved on
    I'm stuck where I am
    without anything
    not even strawberry jam

    Jesus is here...
    I don't mean to sound like a bug
    but it bothers me sometimes
    that I can't give Jesus a hug

    some may laugh
    at what I just said
    but trust me it sucks
    that thing you just read

    knowing someone
    who gives you all this stuff
    but your flesh wants something else
    what you want is not enough

    then you realize that
    want and need are not the same thing
    wanting is just whining
    with a nicer ring

    needing is hating
    the things you get the most
    it's like twitter
    along with all the pointless things you post

    I got so distracted
    from writing this note
    that I've forgot why I was sad
    oh look there's a goat!

    not really...
    forget what was just said
    I'm really tired
    so I'm going to bed




    Submitted on 2010-05-31 10:12:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      you know what ,it seems like you're going through tough times and this is a good thing to use to deal with that. this is actually pretty good in spots for being nicely formatted and it seemed like you were expressing things genuinely. what's nice about writing is it's something that comes more naturally with practice and it can always be a "good" thing. sorry, i'm rambling, but yes we do that around here, it's cool to be distracted by random goats.
    | Posted on 2010-06-07 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185402

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