Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sleeping on Needlesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 295
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    1.0000
    Bytes: 1813



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleeping on Needlesdots
    -------------------------------------------




    You sleep on needles when its time
    Something you thought would be sublime
    Twist and turn the sheets
    Live inside the heat
    Lay awake in the night

    And how youíve wondered how to touch
    The space between your fingerprints is too much
    And every world of word hangs on your lips
    But you could say everything with just one kiss
    Never knowing just exactly what this is

    You see your breath in just a moan
    Soft let, just let your arms take you, home
    While into the whirlpool you seem to fall
    As if to say her name could say it all
    Floundering on syllables just like a fool

    You sleep on needles
    Comfort the tears which cling to pillows
    You sleep on needles
    Your soul left mapped in their patchwork stains

    And if by day, you can at least get by
    Or take the sun out of the skies
    It sees too clearly
    Red rimmed with those puffy eyes
    Which prefer a night of shadows in which to hide

    Now you wonder how to touch
    These spaces between her fingerprints are just too much
    And every word is etched with her alphabet
    Every time you speak it spells a kiss
    And you never know exactly why this is

    Itís just your sigh floating on the chain of cigarettes
    The last mouthful of vodka on an unmade bed
    The fire in your eyes before you sleep
    The dreams you long for, but hope not to dream again
    Itís just the sound of sunshine on their patchwork stains

    You sleep on needles
    Comforting the pillows to which they cling
    You sleep on needles
    Your soul left mapped by the threads she is weaving






    Submitted on 2010-06-03 10:07:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this alot, and would love to hear a music version of this, to be made into a song. It made me think of a few female singer songwriters who incorporated piano in a minor key, i think that would fit this beautifully. Just a thought. This is definitely a complete piece from start to finish, and thats not something you see on here every day.
    | Posted on 2010-06-05 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185469

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Summer written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Love written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Your Lover written by Cordell

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry