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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Neurotic Plague (Rough draft)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Draigon
    ASL Info:    25/m/Al
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 164/196/91
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1110
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867



    Description:
       My daughter has cancer, neuroblastoma,
    and this poem just came into my head, if you can even call it a poem. It's kind of rushed, but I decided to put it on here anyway. It helps me to vent my emotions through writing. Anyway tell me what you think, and what improvements need to be made.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNeurotic Plague (Rough draft)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It travels through the stream of life,
    tainting every stone with its passing.
    The river slowly turns black
    the sickness deluding its purity.
    They stand by the river's bed
    grieving heads bowed in sorrow.
    There is no promise tomorrow,
    or even of the end of today.
    Tumors of malice swell
    to garganteuos proportions,
    drinking in the life force,
    and bathing in the river's blood.
    No one knows how it came,
    just that it is here,
    and slowly destroying life's structure.
    There is light on the horizon
    however dim it seems to be.
    We must fight this malignant
    malevolent enemy to the death,
    the death of us or him.
    We mustn't lose sight,
    push onward toward the sea,
    and out of the never ending blight.




    Submitted on 2010-06-05 23:14:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be such a tough time for your family. I couldn't imagine if one of my daughters was sick with something like this. Absolutely every last one of the children I have met who have a life-threatening illness have been little rays of sunshine, rare gems. For some reason they seem to be designed with a strong constitution, happy spirit, and indomitable will. I hope all goes well for you, that you are able to beat this!

    I enjoyed the poem a lot. Although you may have been rushed when you wrote it, it came from an outpouring of the soul, and for this reason you should leave it unchanged. I think it is great.

    Bye for now,
    soul-hugger
    | Posted on 2010-06-06 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    12. Does it feel original?



    185498

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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