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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Randomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 659



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRandomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Corrupt my instincts
    and then a shudder
    a summer of nots
    for the first time
    in your loft we
    fall forward

    this night we can be
    a feeling of indecent
    a portrait
    hanging askew in the dark

    tomorrow then
    sees differently
    like the rain letting up
    for weeks
    and no drought
    dries the earth like you

    before this morning
    when sun is slow to rise
    just us
    and my arm is asleep
    under divine weight

    invasive species
    evasive maneuvers
    and the sound of your coffee maker




    Submitted on 2010-06-08 09:31:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh the random entries, how I love them! You're incredibly in the moment with this piece. Maybe I can identify with it a little too much (when doesn't that happen?). I really liked your flow. It didn't feel disjointed or forced. Even more, I like that you didn't force it to rhyme :) I hope your random moment paid off. Have a good day friend.
    | Posted on 2010-06-10 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      (smile).

    random is good.

    so is the sound of coffee brewing in the morning.

    (sometimes i think that is the best part).

    and it is a weird thing having slept alone for so long, the thought of waking next to someone i know seems so foreign. how the weight of another can offset my own. how sharing sleep can be so intimate. and then there is always the trust factor when it comes to dreaming.

    i do like this.

    keep smelling the coffee james.
    keep smelling the coffee.

    | Posted on 2010-06-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      Corrupt my instincts
    and then a shudder
    a summer of nots
    for the first time
    in your loft we
    fall forward


    Say goodbye.

    tomorrow then
    sees differently
    like the rain letting up
    for weeks
    and no drought
    dries the earth like you


    I think it's the "and" that messes this up for me, but I like this stanza. I think it's my favorite. Actually, I like them all, but this one is really food. I like the drought personified. Like, hell, does she dehydrate you? Look James, you got to leave the room once in a while to at least get some water. It's okay. She'll still love you.

    I know that's not the point, but don't argue with me =]

    Well, it's either that you're dehydrated, or she's sucking you dry emotionally. Like you're really just giving up all that liquid emotion and getting all shriveled up. James, don't shrivel up.

    But then you get cute and you like being waterless. Cos she's asleep on your arm. GOOD GOD. James you're almost as honey coated as I am. LOL jk. But that's a nice image. And it's so natural and normal too. You wake up and someone's there. Testing your vital signs. Sleeping on top of them. You're limp. I love that. I want to wake up to my arm asleep cos someone slept on it =[. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

    Coffee's so damn amazing. Did I tell you I found the coffee machine at work? Everyday, I go there and stare at it and mentally worship it and say small prayers to it. And then, the ladies make espresso after lunch and I go back and I kneel in front of it when no one's watching (in my head I'm kneeling) and I'm making a sacrificial type offering cos it's keeping me semi-sane. God. Coffee. Saves everyone. Saves Africans. Saves limp arms and dehydrated people.

    I like this poem James. That's what I meant.
    | Posted on 2010-06-08 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


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