[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Randomdots

    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 659


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Corrupt my instincts
    and then a shudder
    a summer of nots
    for the first time
    in your loft we
    fall forward

    this night we can be
    a feeling of indecent
    a portrait
    hanging askew in the dark

    tomorrow then
    sees differently
    like the rain letting up
    for weeks
    and no drought
    dries the earth like you

    before this morning
    when sun is slow to rise
    just us
    and my arm is asleep
    under divine weight

    invasive species
    evasive maneuvers
    and the sound of your coffee maker

    Submitted on 2010-06-08 09:31:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Oh the random entries, how I love them! You're incredibly in the moment with this piece. Maybe I can identify with it a little too much (when doesn't that happen?). I really liked your flow. It didn't feel disjointed or forced. Even more, I like that you didn't force it to rhyme :) I hope your random moment paid off. Have a good day friend.
    | Posted on 2010-06-10 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]

    random is good.

    so is the sound of coffee brewing in the morning.

    (sometimes i think that is the best part).

    and it is a weird thing having slept alone for so long, the thought of waking next to someone i know seems so foreign. how the weight of another can offset my own. how sharing sleep can be so intimate. and then there is always the trust factor when it comes to dreaming.

    i do like this.

    keep smelling the coffee james.
    keep smelling the coffee.

    | Posted on 2010-06-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      Corrupt my instincts
    and then a shudder
    a summer of nots
    for the first time
    in your loft we
    fall forward

    Say goodbye.

    tomorrow then
    sees differently
    like the rain letting up
    for weeks
    and no drought
    dries the earth like you

    I think it's the "and" that messes this up for me, but I like this stanza. I think it's my favorite. Actually, I like them all, but this one is really food. I like the drought personified. Like, hell, does she dehydrate you? Look James, you got to leave the room once in a while to at least get some water. It's okay. She'll still love you.

    I know that's not the point, but don't argue with me =]

    Well, it's either that you're dehydrated, or she's sucking you dry emotionally. Like you're really just giving up all that liquid emotion and getting all shriveled up. James, don't shrivel up.

    But then you get cute and you like being waterless. Cos she's asleep on your arm. GOOD GOD. James you're almost as honey coated as I am. LOL jk. But that's a nice image. And it's so natural and normal too. You wake up and someone's there. Testing your vital signs. Sleeping on top of them. You're limp. I love that. I want to wake up to my arm asleep cos someone slept on it =[. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

    Coffee's so damn amazing. Did I tell you I found the coffee machine at work? Everyday, I go there and stare at it and mentally worship it and say small prayers to it. And then, the ladies make espresso after lunch and I go back and I kneel in front of it when no one's watching (in my head I'm kneeling) and I'm making a sacrificial type offering cos it's keeping me semi-sane. God. Coffee. Saves everyone. Saves Africans. Saves limp arms and dehydrated people.

    I like this poem James. That's what I meant.
    | Posted on 2010-06-08 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    This written by Chelebel
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]