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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Heart,dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HanaJayne
    ASL Info:    18/F/WA
    Elite Ratio:    1.86 - 1/4/9
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 551



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Heart,dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You're not waking up,
    just sleeping in my chest.
    Rising up and down.

    I miss you fluttering,
    Dear heart of mine.
    I miss you beating too hard,
    and out of time.
    So please,
    Wake up.

    I'm tired and lonely,
    and I know you are too.
    But I'm not jumping in,
    if you aren't in it too.

    It's all of me or none,
    Just wake up.
    So I don't feel like I'm coming undone.

    Sincerely,
    She




    Submitted on 2010-06-08 14:23:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'll basically echo the thoughts of istalkmurdoch.

    If I had written this, I would class it in my "notes to myself" section. It is not really a poem and it is not really prose either. It reminds me a little of the author Hugh Prather, who wrote a book with this same title: "Notes to Myself," as well as "Notes on Love and Courage," which I am making my way through right now.

    The whole book is composed of little snippets of things, none of them longer than a single page. It is basically a diary.

    I was thinking exactly the same thing as istalk when I was reading that you must not forget about your head. Operating from the heart alone can create many problems; an all-or-nothing attitude being one of them. I had to learn this the hard way as I am primarily an emotional person myself. I applied no judgement to things, and as a result I saw people and things in terms of their potential instead of the reality, which set me up for a lot of heartache, and headache too!

    Losing a bit of that emotional fluster is part of growing up. Sometimes you have to turn your heart off and think with your head. As long as you know how and when to turn it on again, everything is in the right place.

    soul-hugger
    | Posted on 2010-06-09 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      My thoughts as a poet were that this could have been better. You do go into detail about what is taking place, but I think that you could go a little farther in your imagery. You use some imagery, but it's not as descriptive as it could be. If you keep it as is it will be okay, but simple.

    My thoughts as a person were that our hearts can lead us places that aren't always going to be the best thing for us. I understand how you would want your heart involved, but just remember you have a head too. Don't just go on every whim that your heart takes you, think it through first and act accordingly.

    Keep Writing, Hope things get better...

    istalkmurdoch
    | Posted on 2010-06-09 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


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