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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Like Comfortabledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thepulse
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 11/2/2
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 438
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 910



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike Comfortabledots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the most intimate moments there is no fear
    As we have no boundaries
    When learning me the wall collapses
    We exist into each other
    Perfectly formed together
    There we lose all self consciousness
    As we love as time elapses
    The comfort of your company
    Surpasses my brains synapses
    Awe inspiring fantastic
    You are like comfortable
    So real it becomes a noun
    You move in a way that communicates
    Our connection fathoms down
    Deep like the ocean floor
    So pleasing we want some more
    Expecting the best in store
    Like a fable
    Happy endings of folklore
    You are like comfortable
    A soft pillow like necessity
    An ardor possessing everything
    Complete needing nothing
    If falling in love includes a tumble
    We land without injury
    Like comfortable




    Submitted on 2010-06-10 10:37:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Cute. Makes me think of spooning on a large bean bag chair. :) I think you should add some punctuation to help it flow and make it more interesting. Maybe you could try capitalizing only at the beginning of a new thought instead of the beginning of each line? I would also suggest paragraphs if you want, and using some commas or dashes to make the reader know when to pause. The sudden rhyming in the middle of the piece was kind of strange to me, since the ends of lines don't rhyme right away at the beginning. However, I like it. Keep it up and welcome.
    | Posted on 2010-06-12 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]


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