Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Old love note about Jack.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ReMMuS
    ASL Info:    22-female-lemoore CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 17/24/19
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Love
    Total Views: 437
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 669



    Description:
       This is not a poem, it tells the memory it doesn't have the eloquence to show. This is free hand word for word. It has not been edited, and it's only finality is that it will never be finished.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld love note about Jack.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You were my first love,
    and my first commitment to life.
    You gave me an after school blush, the shine in my eyes, and always above all of my ellusive treasures, the smile. You walked alone in the rain, always getting away like a wrinkle before an iron. You are the first and only person to walk anywhere for me. You are the only person with whom I wanted to be honest, and would chide for a lack of honesty. You wrought pearls on black leather, and a loss of identity. You are my first embodiment of love, and maybe someday that will change, but for now I'll keep you at a distance and am with you wholly as a passing thought, only within my memory.




    Submitted on 2010-06-10 17:19:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoyed this.

    And "Old note" is exactly what this reads like, full of sentiment, fragility and nostalgia. It is a bit of love unrequited, but not completely, because something was gained -- to simply know what loving can do and be, whether it is is past or present.

    So...yes, that's it really. Especially like the simile presented in this line: "You walked alone in the rain, always getting away like a wrinkle before an iron."

    -Emeya
    | Posted on 2010-06-10 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185595

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Carry written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Cover written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Fasade written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    winners circle written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry