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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Little Timmydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: StylerDen
    ASL Info:    29/Male/Malaysia
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 38/59/51
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 369



    Description:
       Teaching my kids to write a poem, so i wrote them a sample using rhyming words like
    "Fun, Jump, Fun, Hump,
    Lump, Come, Some, Mum"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittle Timmydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tim is a boy, who likes to run,
    To him it’s really lots of fun,
    Over the drain and pipe he jumps,
    But he did not see this very big hump.

    He fell on his head now there’s a big lump,
    Instantly crying he calls for his mum,
    His mum simply answered, “Timmy, come.”
    “Now, where’s the medicine when I need some”




    Submitted on 2010-06-10 18:54:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What a great, fun example for kids to read to learn about writing poetry.

    The only thing I would change is maybe substituting the word "bump" in for "hump". Then perhaps add in a stanza after the first stanza explaining more about the bump and how Timmy manages to fall. Was he running so fast that he tripped? Where was the bump? Where was he running? If his mother is nearby, maybe he was in a park or something?

    I am being picky. It is great how it is, but I just wanted to offer out some more ideas for you.

    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2010-06-13 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2010-06-11 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a fun share. Did this really happen. Thanks for sharing it.
    | Posted on 2010-06-11 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]


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