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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Simply a Burdendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SilentDreams42
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 38/30/42
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1683



    Description:
       She didn't need saving. She didn't want it. No, not this time...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSimply a Burdendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Strength, not cowardice
    That's what you told me it was
    And I believed you...

    The nausea refused to subside
    Like a hurricane
    Destroying her from the inside out

    Breathless
    Doing what she did best
    The sand between her toes
    She ran

    When her legs could move no longer
    She collapsed
    Sand in her hair
    Tears in her eyes

    Using every last muscle in her body
    She took a deep breath
    And forced herself up
    As she became completely numb

    Walking slowly toward the water
    Her heart beating faster and faster
    Nothing else mattered
    For she was a selfish soul, simply a burden

    The waves brushed against her feet
    As she proceeded, she felt free 
    More alive than ever
    Though her body was no longer hers

    The wind blew in her hair
    Sending chills down her spine
    Like a never-ending rope
    As she fell deeper and deeper into a trance

    Waves crashed against her frail body
    Yet her only thought was to keep going
    As the ocean engulfed her
    Her soul was at peace

    "No longer a burden," she thought
    But the screams awoke her 
    He grabbed her waist 
    Forcing her up

    Although helpless,
    She fought him
    As he fought the water
    Waves swallowing them both

    And sure enough,
    More help arrived
    But it was he that saved her life
    And I hate him for it

    I am a selfish soul, simply a burden...




    Submitted on 2010-06-10 21:50:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem shows how selfish a person can be when they give up. they forget the people around them thinking only of themselves. I like how you portrayed it in the structure of the lines. the way you wrote it gave it an interesting tempo. the breaks into stanzas made you stop and think about the thought of each stanza as it tells a story up until the end. one line confused me though in stanza 7 and the last line which said "though her body was no longer her's" in what way was it not hers- was she relinquishing it to the ocean to cause her death? over all it was good.
    | Posted on 2010-06-11 00:00:00 | by thepulse | [ Reply to This ]


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