Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Under The Willow Treedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: hybridsongwrite
    ASL Info:    20 / M / MN, USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 185/163/68
    Words: 292
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Sorry
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1764



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnder The Willow Treedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting here on my own
    In the dark somewhere alone
    And i don't know if i will make it
    Got a gun at my side
    With thought's of suicide
    I don't know if i can face this
    I'm not meant to be strong
    In a world i don't belong
    So here's a song to let you know
    That i still think of you
    And what i shouldn't do
    Is put you through losing me

    But i don't know if i can face it
    I have to, it's too late to change it
    If i could, you know i'd say it
    I am sorry, i am sorry

    I guess it's a privilege
    To stand up on this bridge
    And have the chance to think this through
    These years have come and gone
    Since it all went wrong
    And now i'm not sure what i'll do
    I couldn't stand the fight
    Now, i don't know what's right
    Either way i go, i go alone
    Maybe this was destiny
    Maybe this was meant to be
    I guess no one will ever know

    To all the boys and girls
    Throughout the world
    There's something i want you to know
    This world can be cold alone
    Let the ones that you love know
    That you care and think about them
    Or you'll be like me
    Hurting those you need
    And live in a world of regrets
    So now my choice is made
    I'll take the coward's way
    I'll see you in the ever after

    I hope you burry me
    Under the willow tree
    Next to the school that you and i went to
    So every time that you look
    You can see how much it took
    Out of my heart to hurt you




    Submitted on 2010-06-12 08:56:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      This work evokes my most serious train of orchestrated thought which rushes through my life's errors,even my personal faults , so-called love life and in the whole gamut I find nothing heart rending enough for suicide, the narrative power displayed here tells of something serious. My thoughts have swept me away! My thoughts had your poem as a stimulant,the train station bell. On things not clear I agree with the previous commentator. When we write if we describe places put features that will be consistent with the venue. E.g rustling leaves,thick underbush,whispering willows, etc all go with willow tree
    Slow moving,noiseless rush,tears of the city, etc all connect to under the bridge. I HOPE YOU GET WHAT AM saying? Nice job keep writing please dont hurt yourself!
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      There are several spelling and grammatical errors that need to be edited. However, ignoring that... this is a very sad and jarring work.

    The rhyme scheme is a bit inconsistent... especially in the fourth stanza. I don't know if that was intentional or not.

    I hope this isn't based off your own feelings because the speaker in the poem seems to be in a very dark place.

    The setting of the poem is a little unclear to me... since at first the speaker is sitting in the dark alone and suddenly later they are up on a bridge contemplating what they should do.

    I think overall it is a great narrative poem. It tells a sad story and illustrates some of the more negative emotions we all feel sometimes.

    Thanks for sharing... and I do hope that if this poem is based on your life that you are able to find strength.
    | Posted on 2010-06-13 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185632

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Yes written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    You read free written by poetotoe
    AI written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry