Under The Willow Tree by hybridsongwrite

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Submission Name: Under The Willow Tree dots

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Author:	hybridsongwrite
ASL Info:	20 / M / MN, USA
Elite Ratio:	3.8 - 185/164/70
Words:	292

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Sorry
Total Views:	760
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1764

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Under The Willow Tree dots

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Sitting here on my own
In the dark somewhere alone
And i don't know if i will make it
Got a gun at my side
With thought's of suicide
I don't know if i can face this
I'm not meant to be strong
In a world i don't belong
So here's a song to let you know
That i still think of you
And what i shouldn't do
Is put you through losing me

But i don't know if i can face it
I have to, it's too late to change it
If i could, you know i'd say it
I am sorry, i am sorry

I guess it's a privilege
To stand up on this bridge
And have the chance to think this through
These years have come and gone
Since it all went wrong
And now i'm not sure what i'll do
I couldn't stand the fight
Now, i don't know what's right
Either way i go, i go alone
Maybe this was destiny
Maybe this was meant to be
I guess no one will ever know

To all the boys and girls
Throughout the world
There's something i want you to know
This world can be cold alone
Let the ones that you love know
That you care and think about them
Or you'll be like me
Hurting those you need
And live in a world of regrets
So now my choice is made
I'll take the coward's way
I'll see you in the ever after

I hope you burry me
Under the willow tree
Next to the school that you and i went to
So every time that you look
You can see how much it took
Out of my heart to hurt you

Submitted on 2010-06-12 08:56:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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||| Comments |||

| Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
  This work evokes my most serious train of orchestrated thought which rushes through my life's errors,even my personal faults , so-called love life and in the whole gamut I find nothing heart rending enough for suicide, the narrative power displayed here tells of something serious. My thoughts have swept me away! My thoughts had your poem as a stimulant,the train station bell. On things not clear I agree with the previous commentator. When we write if we describe places put features that will be consistent with the venue. E.g rustling leaves,thick underbush,whispering willows, etc all go with willow tree
Slow moving,noiseless rush,tears of the city, etc all connect to under the bridge. I HOPE YOU GET WHAT AM saying? Nice job keep writing please dont hurt yourself!
| Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
  There are several spelling and grammatical errors that need to be edited. However, ignoring that... this is a very sad and jarring work.

The rhyme scheme is a bit inconsistent... especially in the fourth stanza. I don't know if that was intentional or not.

I hope this isn't based off your own feelings because the speaker in the poem seems to be in a very dark place.

The setting of the poem is a little unclear to me... since at first the speaker is sitting in the dark alone and suddenly later they are up on a bridge contemplating what they should do.

I think overall it is a great narrative poem. It tells a sad story and illustrates some of the more negative emotions we all feel sometimes.

Thanks for sharing... and I do hope that if this poem is based on your life that you are able to find strength.
| Posted on 2010-06-13 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]

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