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    dots Submission Name: Old agedots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 737

       Ten reasons of death

    1. Old age
    2. Wrath
    3. solitude
    4. Emptiness
    5. Despair
    6. Destruction
    7. Intoxication
    8. Insanity
    9. Greed
    10. Sacrifice

    First - Old Age: My picture of what would it feel like to be old.....It's scary..

    "..." - represents a pause for 2-3 seconds

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld agedots

    Remember...Try to...Am I alive...?

    My eyes are closed, my soul breathes,
    I remember...I lived a life, do I...?

    There is pain, there is love all around,
    I feel I lived a life that I live no more.

    There is my grandchild walking away from me,
    I see him and I want to play,
    I try to, my body wants me to die...

    I am tired...go to sleep with a Kiss on my forehead,
    my son...my daughter...smile do they with a lie.

    Am I asleep or am I awake, I cry that I not know the difference,
    Am I going to wake up, Am I awake from death.
    Someone...please wake me up...

    Am I alive...I ask every moment of my life...

    Submitted on 2010-06-12 09:53:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very good and yet scary description of a view point of being old. I felt like this was in place at a hospital or on a death bed at your own home or something. Not much description but for what was written it was very visual. And the way you had written it, lol, with the 2 or 3 second pauses it was slightly dramatic which is good. The three verses where you speak of your grand child,
    “There is my grandchild walking away from me,
    I see him and I want to play,
    I try to, my body wants me to die...”
    Was meaningful because no matter of the age you look at a child and you wish you could go back to your little years. But even to looking at one who is related really presses on ones mind cause you could almost see your self in your grandchild, so your really want to the thing you used to as a child but again your body still drags you behind. Sad but all and all, though most people don’t look forward to growing old, this was good.


    | Posted on 2010-06-14 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]

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