[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Old agedots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 451
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 737

       Ten reasons of death

    1. Old age
    2. Wrath
    3. solitude
    4. Emptiness
    5. Despair
    6. Destruction
    7. Intoxication
    8. Insanity
    9. Greed
    10. Sacrifice

    First - Old Age: My picture of what would it feel like to be old.....It's scary..

    "..." - represents a pause for 2-3 seconds

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOld agedots

    Remember...Try to...Am I alive...?

    My eyes are closed, my soul breathes,
    I remember...I lived a life, do I...?

    There is pain, there is love all around,
    I feel I lived a life that I live no more.

    There is my grandchild walking away from me,
    I see him and I want to play,
    I try to, my body wants me to die...

    I am tired...go to sleep with a Kiss on my forehead,
    my son...my daughter...smile do they with a lie.

    Am I asleep or am I awake, I cry that I not know the difference,
    Am I going to wake up, Am I awake from death.
    Someone...please wake me up...

    Am I alive...I ask every moment of my life...

    Submitted on 2010-06-12 09:53:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very good and yet scary description of a view point of being old. I felt like this was in place at a hospital or on a death bed at your own home or something. Not much description but for what was written it was very visual. And the way you had written it, lol, with the 2 or 3 second pauses it was slightly dramatic which is good. The three verses where you speak of your grand child,
    “There is my grandchild walking away from me,
    I see him and I want to play,
    I try to, my body wants me to die...”
    Was meaningful because no matter of the age you look at a child and you wish you could go back to your little years. But even to looking at one who is related really presses on ones mind cause you could almost see your self in your grandchild, so your really want to the thing you used to as a child but again your body still drags you behind. Sad but all and all, though most people don’t look forward to growing old, this was good.


    | Posted on 2010-06-14 00:00:00 | by faideddarkness | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Live In Between written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    The World written by jjd
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]