[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Wrathdots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802

        Ten reasons of death

    1. Old age
    2. Wrath
    3. solitude
    4. Emptiness
    5. Despair
    6. Destruction
    7. Intoxication
    8. Insanity
    9. Greed
    10. Sacrifice

    Second - Wrath: Fierce and dangerous...That's what wrath is combined with
    ...I am at war with my enemy
    ...I at war with myself

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kill him... Kill him now I say...
    I live or you die, all my ears can hear.

    Walk do I with no meaning,
    than the mirror in front of death.
    A stride with fire around a pin,
    PAIN, all that burns within.

    I feel nothing...nothing at all,
    Lift my sword do I, double edged at my throat.
    There is no doubt, There is no truth,
    All that is there is but revenge while I breathe.

    Flick do I, my sword at the enemy,
    I am looking at him in front of my mirror.
    On the other side stands someone with a fire,
    a lie that will die with his life in vain.

    Cold is my heart now
    I open my eyes...I see blood...
    Die.....that is all I want to say.

    Submitted on 2010-06-12 10:10:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked all of this, except the last 3 lines. They seemed cliché and slightly phony, particularly the last line.
    breath = breathe
    "Flick to do I the sword at the enemy"-- huh?
    Using quotes at the very beginning might help the reader get into the scene. I had to backpedal a second to understand the context of the quote and the narration.
    I like the Yoda style, without being overwhelming or obnoxious. Curious, where did you get your Death list from? Looking forward to reading some of the others.
    | Posted on 2010-06-12 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    The Promise written by annie0888
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Giving written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]