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    dots Submission Name: Wrathdots

    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802

        Ten reasons of death

    1. Old age
    2. Wrath
    3. solitude
    4. Emptiness
    5. Despair
    6. Destruction
    7. Intoxication
    8. Insanity
    9. Greed
    10. Sacrifice

    Second - Wrath: Fierce and dangerous...That's what wrath is combined with
    ...I am at war with my enemy
    ...I at war with myself

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kill him... Kill him now I say...
    I live or you die, all my ears can hear.

    Walk do I with no meaning,
    than the mirror in front of death.
    A stride with fire around a pin,
    PAIN, all that burns within.

    I feel nothing...nothing at all,
    Lift my sword do I, double edged at my throat.
    There is no doubt, There is no truth,
    All that is there is but revenge while I breathe.

    Flick do I, my sword at the enemy,
    I am looking at him in front of my mirror.
    On the other side stands someone with a fire,
    a lie that will die with his life in vain.

    Cold is my heart now
    I open my eyes...I see blood...
    Die.....that is all I want to say.

    Submitted on 2010-06-12 10:10:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked all of this, except the last 3 lines. They seemed cliché and slightly phony, particularly the last line.
    breath = breathe
    "Flick to do I the sword at the enemy"-- huh?
    Using quotes at the very beginning might help the reader get into the scene. I had to backpedal a second to understand the context of the quote and the narration.
    I like the Yoda style, without being overwhelming or obnoxious. Curious, where did you get your Death list from? Looking forward to reading some of the others.
    | Posted on 2010-06-12 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]

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