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    dots Submission Name: Drive;Will-Power;Couragedots

    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/623/381
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 602
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1793

       I wear a mask well... but I know I want my life to cease!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    That drive I once had
    no longer lingers within
    The will-power I once possessed
    Does not exsist

    The" Courage"
    I had to "attempt"
    to take my life
    This courage No Longer lives within my being...

    For I have NO greater wish than to have

    That "Drive"
    The "Will-Power"
    And ""Courage""

    never will I forget December 24th 2009

    Placing a 12gauge upon my lap
    wanting to die a slow and painful death

    As I re-lived all the sexual abuse
    Acknowledging my own Mothers involvement
    Lying there accepting my own drug addiction
    Most importantly the realization I am all I set out NOT to be

    Drug Addict
    A Victim
    Mentally Unstable

    All "typical" behavior from Sexually Abused Children

    I am truly my own worst enemy
    And yet I was saved?!
    I live with the scars of my failed attempt to end my miserable existence with hopes that one day...

    My "Drive"
    That "Will-Power"
    And ""Courage""

    Comes back to finish...my first attempt

    Submitted on 2010-06-12 11:35:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Thats pretty dark. I tried to OD on an ass load of prescription pills in January... Nothing to make you feel more like a failure than a fizzled suicide attempt. I haven't been clean long but drugs were the only thing to dull the pain of a life of bleak emotions and sick thoughts. But the dark clouds can't hide the warm glowing sun for all time, things will pick up. And courage is not the absence of fear, but the belief that there are things more important than fear.
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by JR Hoodlum | [ Reply to This ]
      Pain evincing tale. Forgive me if I get so carried away to believe this . But I detect a pattern in prisoner and this write up.I know writers tend to describe real aspects of their lives in their work. But I beg you to tell me this is not the case here.
    In telling you have made bare harsh realities found in the life of many people who sadly are victims from their own homes.
    This story of drug addiction I am alien to cause in my travails i was too poor to afford drugs.
    I CAME TO understand marital woes when my wife bashing dad almost killed my mum. And still fought other women who should have cared for his kids. Me and my elder bro had sicklemia yet I lived through years of violence. I could disclose things that a shrink would cringe at. But I lived through it all. Not hating myself but believing that someday when things get better i would write a book. But even then whatever wrong circumstances had made me commit I now try to atone. Because to spread love is much better than dishing hate. Religion came as a life bouy but even that was hard. Only destruction is automatic but luck and creating are more gradual.
    Your piece touched me. Thats why I said these things. Dont want to think this is more than a depressive write up. But it shows that u have a quality of descriptive writing paints as it is read and this picture is awe inspiring like picasso. Jackz you reek of greatness. You write brilliantly
    From the greatness foundation
    Nwokobia Henry
    | Posted on 2010-06-13 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]

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