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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Daddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blankscreen
    ASL Info:    22/f/NY
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 222/196/163
    Words: 227
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1346



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Daddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes my dad's a superhero
    He manages to
    make coffee, pump his bike tires, eat breakfast, call his wife, stretch and exercise, pace through the whole apartment wondering what to do next, clean his office, check his email, change the water filter, and ask to bike me to work, all in a bathrobe and boxers.
    This is in the time it takes me to eat 5 bowls of cereal, read a page in a book, and eat 5 more bowls.

    Other days my dad's like me
    He sits and mopes around
    And blames his down in the dumps attitude
    On the way he was treated
    Rather than how he interpretted it.

    I was reading a book on the inner kid in us
    Who never had the right parents
    Or the right environment
    And grew up alone, with boundaries, fake maturity, and a lack of individuality.

    Maybe it isn't how we grew up or what we saw
    Maybe it isn't how we were treated
    But rather how we treated ourselves
    Maybe its meant to be this way

    We all have superhero days
    Or superhero acts once in a while
    Ultimately its up to us
    If we can save the planet.

    My dad's always trying to save mine
    Whether I would like it to be saved or not.

    My dad, the superhero.




    Submitted on 2010-06-13 19:54:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "... Well I awoke in relief.
    My sheets and tubes were all tangled weak from whiskey and pills,
    in a Chicago hospital.
    And my father was there, in a chair, by the window, staring so far away.
    I tried talking, just whispered, "...so sorry...so selfish..."
    He stopped me and said, "Child I love you regardless
    and there's nothing you could do that would ever change this.
    I'm not angry. It happens. But you just can't do it again." ..."

    that's the only thing that comes to mind when I read this. Well, that and, "Here I come to save the day." ^_^

    I know, I'm being silly. I envy you a little.

    To the damsel in distress,
    Phillip
    | Posted on 2010-06-28 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. A little snapshot of being a human. A mature point of view from an 18-yr-old... (says the wise 24-yr-old! :p)

    Can you punch it up with purposeful punctuation, capitalization, structure? I like the lines starting in the 2nd stanza; the long trailing line in the first one seems as though you want the reader to read it quickly, as quickly as your father is moving and thinking. Can you get that across even with some line breaks?

    Maybe on the "maybe" lines you could use question marks, since you yourself seem to be a little unsure of how you think of all this?

    Keep it up, off to read some more of yours...
    | Posted on 2010-06-14 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this is so honest, and such true and real emotion, that it makes the poem speak in volumes. i hope there are people around here that hear it, and i hope you gave it to your father, it is a beautiful sentiment.
    | Posted on 2010-06-13 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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