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    dots Submission Name: The Devil & The Harlotdots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 75/194/254
    Words: 319
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 922
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1988


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    dotsThe Devil & The Harlotdots

    Another breeze comes calling... I could see her smile to herself... No shame in such falling.
    But she was standing all alone, buried up to her neck in guilt, cold as stone. - Lacking a name for herself in society.
    Despite the encroaching loneliness, she seemed to understand the ways of the world as nothing more than a lost little girl.
    More than skin deep, she began her dredge into what life means. - No matter what it takes.
    Wind blows by casually, her one and only friend.
    Just whispering what it is she wants to hear, a psychotropic state, much is unknown.
    But when the needle falls, will the thread keep it from embedding itself into what catches?

    Shifting modes, living on the streets as one of them callin'.
    Flipping tricks like spinnin' disks.
    Don't look now she's bawlin'.
    Even now in her mind she's the one whos winnin' in this Hell.
    Beaten and broken yet keeps coming back for more.
    Lost at sea, no rhyme or reason- She's still choking... On memories she dropped, broken and forgotten on the floor.

    Another face crosses the horizon at dawns first light.
    Darkness was a town where Death was said to dwell.
    His smile crooked and wild, like his spine and twisted coat-tails.
    Gusto-Devil with deals to peddle, a worker of woe- Quickly he knew how to subdue this darkened little whore.
    The deal he offered her was much to good to be.
    "Say you agree, forever beautiful you will be, but upon the eve of your happiest day, a debt will need to be paid."
    She smiled and laughed as happiness swelled, was it true that she would remain beautiful forever, until?

    A flash of light and a moment of silence, her beautiful figure lay dead, lifeless...
    Her vanity shown through every detail, that she was the happiest woman in Hell.

    Submitted on 2010-06-14 14:59:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Linzi, very good ending.

    Loved how your words rolled through my head, I can only describe it like a bucket of lego pieces being tipped onto the ground, crashing and knocking together wonderfully, except when they come to rest somehow they've formed a structure. The second stanza is especially good.

    I think maybe you don't need that last sentence. Ending with her her dead and lifeless achieves your purpose without giving the answer away so easily. But it's no glaring flaw.

    I haven't been on this site in ages, nice to see there's still great stuff on here. Big favourite :)

    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Keiran | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow the ending to this was so unexpected and powerful, left me a bit stunned. I really like your choice of imagery, such as "when the needle falls, will the thread keep it from embedding itself into what catches?" and I like the vivid picture the whole poem paints. Definitely one for the favourites =].

    Take care,
    | Posted on 2010-06-14 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]

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