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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If it had been a girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 236
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 656
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1447



    Description:
       Pregnant: Good at getting there, but bad at staying. This one was conceived on our wedding night, and would have been just about a week old now. How can you miss someone that never was?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf it had been a girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    If she was Emelyn, she’d be tall and strong.
    Dark-haired and bright-eyed,
    with a glorious fringe of thick lashes.
    She'd take her time refining her opinions,
    but she'd be rock solid in them.
    When she spoke,
    her voice would be clear and confident.

    She'd probably be liberal.

    Would she be captain of the debate team?
    A clear leader on the volleyball court?
    A quiet girl who preferred the piano, books, and dolls
    to slumber parties?

    If she was Emelyn, she’d be a daddy’s girl.
    She’d know how to jump start her mother’s car,
    and she’d play trombone or euphonium in the school band.
    She’d be kind, friendly,
    but not overly polite or warm.
    (She'd get that from her father.)

    Her daddy's freckles hiding beneath mommy's permanent tan.
    Perhaps a hint of red in her hair?
    She’d have a streak of wild in her.
    (She'd get that from both of us.)

    If she was Emelyn, I’d be changing her diaper,
    or feeding her at my breast,
    or rocking her gently to sleep.
    Long, tiny fingers wrapped around mine.
    She’d be helpless,
    wrinkled,
    a whole world open to her.
    A whole life ahead.
    She’d be loved,
    unconditionally.

    But it wasn’t Emelyn.




    Submitted on 2010-06-14 18:54:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      From the description I can see this is about losing a child, if its yours then I am so sorry. From what I read I think you would be the best of mothers.

    This is such a sad write, the whole idea of delving in to something that never was but maybe, just maybe could be. There really is a love that shines through in this piece and I love the transition from older to younger. It's not the way time would put it but it makes it more intresting that way, you are kind of taking steps back, away from the idea, until you remember it didn't happen.

    It's a beautiful (and sad) piece, keep up the great work and I hope you feel better.

    :)

    Flora
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      If Emeya has interpreted this poem correctly I expect it because women have a very different perspective re things feminine. Men are lost in such things! If this is about a lost baby then I am deeply sorry if my comment seemed hurtful, -- it surely was not meant to be such. Ted.
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe that edcherry has greatly misunderstood the piece, and though by no means intentionally -- his comment might have emotional repercussions for you...

    As I understood it: this is a child whom you lost prematurely, perhaps a miscarriage, and you are dreaming of what that baby would have been (a girl, a leader, a liberal, quiet, freckled, etc). This meaning is explicit to me and reaches me at a personal level. It is not easy to live with such absences and what is/isn't/should've been/could've been -- especially when they are represented by the death living thing (however small, however developed) that was made from your own being.

    This is woeful and longing, the product of what comes from too much wondering.

    As for suggestions: I think that your line breaks could be cleaner/more consistent, just brushed up and shortened here and there, but otherwise it is bare and true and should be kept as such.

    -Emeya
    | Posted on 2010-06-15 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Unless I am misunderstanding this poem, it seems to be one of the most sad writes ever. Most women are so proud and protective of their child, (whatever sex it is,) that this child you speak of seems a terrible disappointment. If you are simply painting a pathetic picture, then you have succeeded. But, I would hate to have had a Mother, such as I read this one to be.
    | Posted on 2010-06-14 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]


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