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    dots Submission Name: My Queendots

    Author: JR Hoodlum
    ASL Info:    24 M WV
    Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 229/320/80
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 429
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 567

       Enjoy this one 'cause its the first time in a long time for me. Any feedback is greatly appreciated, thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Queendots

    She had my heart and held it tight
    It truly was love at first sight
    Her eyes met mine, and we both knew
    Our days of loneliness were through
    And I had never known of love
    Not of its name, or what it was
    Then we had shared true loves first kiss
    And it was nothing short of bliss
    I thanked the lord for such a mate
    As her sweet lips had sealed my fate
    Inspiring a better life
    I asked her if She'd be my wife
    Our future bright as stars above
    She is my Queen, my one true love

    Submitted on 2010-06-15 10:53:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Great poem! It's succinct, sweet, and has a lovely ending.

    For some reason, I am really drawn to these lines:

    "And I had never known of love
    Not of its name, or what it was"

    Very melodic sounding. I don't really have any criticism to give. I thought it was nicely done. The only negative thing that stood out (which is very nit-picky) was the capitalization of "She'd" in the 12th line. That kind of threw me off some, but perhaps that was an intentional capitalization..

    Great job though. Thanks for sharing this!
    | Posted on 2010-06-18 00:00:00 | by melancholystar | [ Reply to This ]
      ahh that's cute! Of course I'd say that cuz I'm a girl but the sequence of the poem was nice.
    | Posted on 2010-06-17 00:00:00 | by captureyourself | [ Reply to This ]

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