Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dead Enddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 260
    Class/Type: Story/Serious
    Total Views: 724
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1589



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDead Enddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sitting in the stale hotel room, she wonders suddenly if she might be making a mistake.

    She is perched on the orange polyester duvet, disturbed by thoughts of what germs could be thriving on the grimy table. She’d already tried the TV, but should’ve known better- $29.99 a night wasn’t going to get her much more than a moldy mattress and a deadbolt.

    She thought of Charlotte. How different would this all be if she hadn’t had a baby, didn’t have a daughter to feed, to protect, to love? The loving was easy at least, and free. Easy and free. She nearly laughed out loud at the thought. As if.

    After 10 minutes, she musters up the courage to unzip the duffel bag. She picks up the gun, surprised by its weight. She had assumed that the bottle of vodka had made the bag heavy. Not about to trust the cleanliness of the spotted glass by the sink, she chooses to swig straight from the bottle instead. Cheap. She forces herself to swallow, cringes into the mirror and sees a gaunt face, the desperation in her eyes. If only… If only it hadn’t come to this.

    A sharp knock at the door wrenches her back into the room. Her heart doubles pace. She snatches the gun off the orange bed, clicks off the safety with shaking hands, moves to the door slowly. Deep breath. Do it for Charlotte.

    She opens the door and aims.




    Submitted on 2010-06-17 13:11:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a really interesting piece, I like the mystery in it by how you leave out certain details. You paint the setting well but not the storyline which I think works really well with what you are going for.

    Just with that first line even, a 'stale hotel room' it paints a scene with the reader, a sort of feeling in the room, like it was uncomfortable, imperfect.

    Anyway keep up the great work

    Flora
    | Posted on 2010-06-19 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185726

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry