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    dots Submission Name: Inhaledots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 75/194/254
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 313


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Inhale the smokey illusions, breaking through the scurrying light.
    Dripping canopy and rain- Cold like night.
    Dew at dawns first breath of life, it helps you through the twisting cries of the wild, festering wounds that eat you alive- Quenching the wilderness and that search for adventure.

    Submitted on 2010-06-21 00:16:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Reminds me of a setting all too familiar. Late nights and early mornings... lounging under the safety of a canopy while the rain pours, puffing and enjoying the electricity of the moment. Liked the read, always enjoy when I read a poem about a moment with real meaning being caught in a still-pane, it proves that some still stop to smell the roses.

    Don't be a stranger, Ohio gets monotonous this time of year, could always use something to break the day-by-day up a bit.
    | Posted on 2010-07-21 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the words and themes you use here, but I feel like this piece of writing leaves more to be desired.

    Inhaling smoke is a rather overused motif in poetry and prose, so in order to make it work, you have to try and find a unique perspective to set it up with. I also felt like a lot of the subject matter in this poem seemed arbitrary and unrelated to the rest. Anyone can throw a bunch of words and ideas together in writing, but skill in writing comes from being able to tie it all up in a neat little box.

    You make me wonder what comes next when alluding to a search for adventure. Expand that! Create a subject/narrator in the poem who is seeking/longing for something and relate the smoke inhalation to that longing. Just some suggestions. Of course, writing is primarily to get thoughts on paper, and it's all relative. Nice work. :)
    | Posted on 2010-06-22 00:00:00 | by awastedsky | [ Reply to This ]

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