i have been pushed, grabbed, choked, broken bones, shoved, etc. why am i still with you? you tell me your a different person, your a "good" person- and that you want to show me that. so i stay, i fall for your lies.
it all started with not letting me talk to my friends, telling me who and when im allowed to talk to. you on the other hand can talk to whomever and do whatever you please
i wasnt allowed to go to work
then it went on to how im not allowed to have email accounts, facebooks, etc you however can keep yours
next it was throwing my personal belongings. breaking them, refusing to let me use them/give them back to me
then one night you grabbed both my arms and held my mouth shut and cursed me out all because i wanted my phone back and you refused to let me leave your house
you then started putting me down, making me feel horrible about myself- like i am useless. you would talk to me like i was a piece of shit you scream at me constantly and it scares me so much
our first month anniversary, you blocked your doorway, threw and hid my phone, cursed me out, i was holding my pocket book- you then grabbed it trying to take that away from me too, and threw me on the floor. i got up and threatened to call the cops on you, so you shoved me against the wall and choked me out and told me looking straight in my eyes how you could kill me right now holding my neck.
you tell me if i dont hear from you that your fucking other girls
you tell me im a selfless bitch
the next few weeks go by, my phone consistantly keeps getting thrown and broken and hid from me, and yet i still come back to you every weekend. what am i coming back to? these lies you tell me....im just hoping one day they will be real.
you start to show improvement and we are working things out
next thing i know you throw my pocket book at the wall because i wont give you my phone. i get scared and start shaking. you tell me "atleast theres no bruises on you this time to threaten the cops"
i think things are getting better, you promise to take me to nice places
you give me your ring
you have been nicer then you ever have
then its fathers day, im texting my dad. your mad im using my phone so you come up and grab it and throw it at the wall. i get up crying and put it back together and i tell you i need to text my dad. you let me. you ask me what im saying to him, and you get mad that im crying when i tell you. so you get back up throw my phone. i struggle to get it back from you, you push me against the wall holding my mouth shut cursing at me. we continue to struggle over the phone, you throw me on the floor, i get up, we struggle, you throw me on the bed and hold me down and throw my stuff under the bed. im hysterically crying and shaking in fear and you yell at me because i wont look at you. i cant breathe because your holding me down.i tell you iwant it to be over, you continue to tell me no. i tell you i want to leave. you tell me no. i play into you telling me your sorry and things will get better just so i can get up from you holding me down. i get up, ask if i can get my stuff from under the bed. you say yes but only if i promise not to leave. i promise. i to get my stuff, i put back together my phone and turn it on. i put it in my pocketbook. i sit back down on the bed with you and you apologize and cry on my shoulder. i ask to use the bathroom and you say i have to leave my phone or that you will have to escort me in there. i get angry and tell you that you cannot keep controlling me like this. what i just told you makes you extremely mad and you end up grabbing my bag in my hand i scream in pain because you twisted my wrist. i am now on the floor crying holding my wrist because i cannot move it. i cant breathe im in so much pain and crying continuously. you roll me over and try to calm me down and ask if im okay. you tell me this wont happen again. you promise it wont happen EVER again. you tell me you love me. you tell me you want me to move in. you tell me you never want me to leave and you want to marry me.
i now have a broken wrist, and bruised shoulder bone. along with hand marks on my arms and legs from you restraining me.
and im still with you, im still coming back to see you. and i still love you. WHY am i doing this to myself?
can someone please tell me why i am putting myself through this? why am i not strong enough to just walk away?