Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Second Comingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Codge
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 3/1/1
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 456
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 927



    Description:
       Poem


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecond Comingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Second Coming.

    Cock of the run or so I thought
    in Grandma’s chicken coop
    wallowing in her out-sized wellies
    with my saucepan full of scraps.

    Hens gathered, a knee-deep ocean
    as in I waded, cock a hoop
    scattering bread on turbulent waters
    until the real cock surfaced.

    Moses-like, he parted those feathery waves,
    pecked at the soft hollows of my knees
    until my cries and the hens’ clamour
    interrupted Grandma’s Sunday bake.

    Hands white with flour, a powder-keg
    in a pinafore, she took the saucepan,
    gave that cock a scrap he couldn’t stomach.
    Flattened him with a shocking oath.

    Bandaged in bacon strips, spread-eagled
    across a plate the size of a dustbin lid,
    his Second Coming was enough
    to strike terror in the chicken hearted.





    Submitted on 2010-07-02 12:30:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think I really liked this poem. I like how you resay things cleverly, like 'a scrap he couldn't stomach,' and 'second coming' instead of saying what you mean openly. Also, your poem has a definate meter, which makes it easier to read because it doesn't rhyme. There were some phrases that didn't really make sense to me though, like 'cock a hoop,' and 'outsized wellies.' That might just be vocabulary I'm not familiar with, though. I also don't really understand why you labled this poem as 'comedy'...I obviously don't get the joke. I think that the cock dying is sort of sad, not funny.
    Thanks for sharing this write.
    -dancer
    | Posted on 2010-07-05 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185935

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry