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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Walking Wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1022
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       I'd had this on my head for as long as I can remember but it was only until very recently that got the right sort of inspiration to portray it. I could really really use some comments on this since I hadn't posted anything nor had I been able to write much these days.
    Hope you can give me a hand.

    Warms regards to everybody here on Elite Skills,

    Ethan


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWalking Wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    By Ethan Brody



    e
    a
    c
    h
    one
    of us
    is a letter
    stuck in the hands
    of an inexperienced writer

    then grow up,
    just a bit,
    as a word

    as time goes by
    we mix up
    and turn into phrases,

    as we continue mingling,
    we transmute into full sentences
    with our very own verb and all.

    if some break the wall, they become complex patterns
    and even conditional status can be reached, no less
    as the scribbler loses his and becomes a pro.






    Submitted on 2010-07-03 23:40:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, you know it is very normal to personified a letter, word or even a sentence as a man, but what you did is very different, new and original to make a reversed simile that we are letters, words and sentences, also the idea of writing the word EACH by the form of a letter in the line is new and a little un-orthodox. You used a short rhythm to give some music and speed to the poem as you used no rhyme, and it works very well.

    About the idea of the poem, it belong to the lift wing poetry schools, so I suppose you are a socialist, I know this is not my business, the lift wing poetry schools usually try to prove things which are not there, hoping that it will or may happen one day, exactly as your poem. I usually write right wing poems, liberal right wing NOT conservative right wing. Bottom line, I invite you to try writing a right wing poem, as you are a really talented poet.

    Best regards,
    Medhat
    | Posted on 2010-07-18 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      e
    a
    c
    h
    one
    of us
    is a letter
    stuck in the hands
    of an inexperienced writer

    I will just be commenting loosely on different aspects I found interesting, and all the tangents I followed, when reading the piece.
    Fist of, the idea is quite nice. Evolving from a single letter (e a c h) into a whole (one). This almost leaves a feel of us becoming one with ourselves - a preposterous thought in my opinion, but anywho…

    Then you embark on the evolution:


    then grow up,
    just a bit,
    as a word

    as time goes by
    we mix up
    and turn into phrases,

    as we continue mingling,
    we transmute into full sentences
    with our very own verb and all.


    Words, phrases and sentences – clear enough. It is the mixing part I feel you loose out on. It stems all the way back form the ‘one’. By twisting the two last stanzas above, you could have made us part of words, phrases and sentences – and I feel you miss out on that.

    The point is, that I am fundamentally in disagreement with the human condition, you propose in the text. I do not think we were before the social, and then stepped into it – and thereby creating all kinds of ontological and metaphysical nonsense.


    If some break the wall, they become complex patterns
    and even conditional status can be reached, no less
    as the scribbler loses his and becomes a pro.


    Also here it is a kind of positivistic evolutionary road to perfection, a latter we climb and in each phase we take a step UP or DOWN the latter. I invite you to thin development as having no direction, but being nothing more than a transgression of your present being, into something else…

    Anywho, thanks for a clear text, well written and to the point. I enjoyed it!

    -tZar
    | Posted on 2010-07-08 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      I happen to enjoy bothering people and ES in general by following the exact rules and regulations by which they suggest you comment a submitted work, so... here.

    Honesty: I like it, the concept in my mind is very well portrayed. I see the way you explain our beings emerge into full sentences, the way we are all objects of growth and renewal, a meaning which most don't truly understand. I like the beginning more then anything just because you give a visual of a single start.

    Compliments: I think I gave enough in the first so here comes a tiny suggestion, I believe that the end could give more, you could explain the way those sentences become story or something lke that.

    My feelings: Well it kinda described something that I have had in mind for quite some time, I've always believed that people, all people are different types of art, drawings held at pencil point by frustrated artists, words stuck in the hands of unexpierenced writers, blocks of marble yet to be sculpted, etc. So it kinda makes me sad that you beat me to the punch, but still I enjoyed it because you have portrayed my thoughts and yours very well.

    ...F**** the rules, I hope that comment is enough to make you stop by mine. Take care,

    D Night.
    | Posted on 2010-07-04 00:00:00 | by 5secondsforme | [ Reply to This ]
       first off i like the formatting of this piece. it lends itself to the subject of the poem.


    e
    a
    c
    h
    one
    of us
    is a letter
    stuck in the hands
    of an inexperienced writer

    the write shows us that before we become a "word" we must be become a letter. i thought that this was very interesting. i also find it curious that the letter is in the hands of an IN-experienced writer. certainly, all that are parents are inexperienced in many ways.


    as time goes by
    we mix up
    and turn into phrases,

    as we continue mingling,
    we transmute into full sentences
    with our very own verb and all.

    if some break the wall, they become complex patterns
    and even conditional status can be reached, no less
    as the scribbler loses his and becomes a pro.

    we now embark on and come to the climax of the piece--professionalism. first, i like how you use the phrase "our own verb". this is what we are all meant to be ---individuals. this is vital if we are to survive this high tech, media ruled generation. it would seem that the majority of the teens today are more focused on becoming the airbrushed faces on t.v. and magazines than pure individuals. i wrote a poem entitled "carbon-nation" which speaks to this more in dept.

    the only negatives i would give this poem is its lack of stronger metaphors. now, this poem is obviously one big metaphor, however, i just think more could have been said. (of course, people say i use to many metaphors at times, and they are right...).

    maybe you could have gone into some may be poem, narratives, novels...etc. but again, this poem is a very nice and well written adaptation of one starting off an original and becoming part of a whole.

    this is all my opinion of course. again, i enjoyed it and good luck.

    ciao
    -john-paul
    | Posted on 2010-07-04 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


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