Despair by keestu

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Submission Name: Despair dots

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Author:	keestu
ASL Info:	32/male/Sydney
Elite Ratio:	5.61 - 153/95/116
Words:	144

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	1073
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	887

Description:
Ten reasons of death

1. Old age
2. Wrath
3. solitude
4. Emptiness
5. Despair
6. Destruction
7. Intoxication
8. Insanity
9. Greed
10. Sacrifice

Fifth:
I always saw myself in me praying to an angel statue in a glacier just waiting to break free and come and hug me.
I always saw myself in me praying in a room with candles and with green lighting praying for my Maya to come true. I whipped the guy until his last tear, I saw the carving break into a million pieces. I saw despair that day and that is what I have written..

Despair

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I reach for her, I am awake,
But the world around me dims down.
She breaks into a million pieces,
right before my eyes, I see her but she doesn't exist.

A dream, hope....all that I had,
Life of a dream that died within praying.
Praying that one day I would be alive,
Happy...So was it a dream without saying?

A dream that never came true,
ripped apart from my soul, slowly....slowly,
Drench in the tears till they dry,
My little heart now burnt in black.

I cry no more.....

In a room filled with green candles, I pray no more....
In a blue glacier with a carving of an angel.
My angel, right before my eyes breaking down.
Darkness that fills me now as I walk with hope no more......

Maya - a dream that never came true.....

Submitted on 2010-07-06 12:49:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
Although I am uncertain as to what your "Maya" is in a specific sense (perhaps I am missing an integral detail) I think I could guess: she is your soul mate, your angel, one of the above or both.

Other than this, I could relate to all you said here at a deep gut level. I believe you are speaking of that time which dreams come crashing down, and the resulting whole-person aftermath. Those dreams are inexplicably entwined with your sense of God.

When those dreams crumbled, your faith was forever altered; its foundations crushed and eventually collapsing.

I have experienced something similar, and I'm interested to see this same type of experience from the male perspective. Although I know that men have dreams as well, and that they go through transformation, this is not as often portrayed for men as it is for women. No less felt, though less often expressed.

I know many women have what is called the Cinderella Syndrome. (I have high hopes that this next generation will have less illusions than the one I am part of, but we'll see.) We place our dreams in a centuries-old basket and are disappointed by what incongruous things then fill it. Idealistic dreams of knights in shining armour, of beautiful children, beautiful homes, fulfilling careers or home lives, and living happily ever after must eventually suffer decay. And the further we carry these false hopes into adulthood, the harder it is to fall. One painful experience at a time, we discover the world is often a cruel place, that friends and lovers are hard to find, that when and if we do find them, they can disappoint, that many families are now broken, not to mention all the other things we face in the world today.

I have had to give up many of my dreams; completely alter the way I look at the world, and it has been a painful journey. Unfortunately, because of this, I have a deep-seated feeling not only that I have somehow failed myself, but also that God has failed me. I am beginning to see "hope" as being interchangeable with "expectation," which is not always good. Would it not be better to expect nothing, lose nothing? Our human nature compels us to hope. Fables of Happily Ever After encourage us to dream. But we must somehow find reality in all that. After having been let down in such a monumental way, it is tempting to go the other direction and become bitter and cynical. There must be some happy medium.

When I can learn to have faith even when the world fails me, that is when I will know I am making progress.

I enjoyed this piece. It was quite powerful, and laid out nicely. I notice you are still young, so you still have plenty of time to find your angel. I hope you do one day find her, and that when you do, your faith will be restored. But may it be restored to a state that asks nothing of itself.

soul-hugger
| Posted on 2010-07-06 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.