Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Soul at Sunsetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 19
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 155



    Description:
       another hot minute piece.
    a monostich: a single line poem.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSoul at Sunsetdots
    -------------------------------------------











    My soul is an abandoned sanctuary at sunset.




    Submitted on 2010-07-11 01:10:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I landed on this one first, because the title intrigued me. When I looked, I was blown away by its simplicity. It says so much in so few words...

    It's a wonderful metaphor. The empty sanctuary, which once held hope, prayer, enlightenment....now sits still but retains the glow of the colors of dusk.....
    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      That you manage to get some subtle yet very there alliteration in a monostitch, well. Goodstuff :)

    I like this, broken down, because:

    - your soul is empty
    - it used to be a refuge (maybe even holy)
    -it is about to get dark (are you afraid of that?)
    -someone haqs abandoned you/ or - you have been neglected
    - the colour of sunset is stark and cruel next to your abandonment

    and all that to say this: this one has layers, it's open yet focused, there is a lot in this line.

    And that is a skill.

    Also, another thang of mine: monostitches.

    So, yeah...
    | Posted on 2011-02-07 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't resist finding a meaning in this. Probably not what you thought of, and yet, this rings of hope to me.

    An abandoned sanctuary is one that no longer works, and among the emptiness, something new and spiritual can find and fulfill us.

    I think its a bit a Zen along with your own Christian theme.

    Thanks for sharing,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2010-07-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW... I liked this alot. I read the description and it seemed weird. This is the first time reading something like this. A one word poem? oh no! but I really liked it.

    Its like when the old wise man sits in silence and suddenly says something that leaves the whole room quiet and echoing.

    I can picture it. Your sould being an abandoned sanctuary at sunset. You allow the reader to decice how big the sanctuary is, how the light hits each stone.

    Basically you hand the reader the tools to interpret and imagine the idea you provide.

    Thanks for the great read.

    Andrea
    | Posted on 2010-07-13 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminded me of another monostich:

    "My soul is an empty carousel in the twilight."

    -Pablo Neruda

    So open and aching, both yours and his.

    I like monostichs. I actually write them quite often.

    -Emeya


    | Posted on 2010-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it is my first time to read one line poem, it seem cool, I mean you used a metaphor in which you made your soul similar to a sanctuary, OK FINE
    | Posted on 2010-07-11 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      Colorful and empty?
    | Posted on 2010-07-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186090

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Records I written by Raphael
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by ShyOne
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry