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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sometimesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blankscreen
    ASL Info:    22/f/NY
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 222/196/163
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 590
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597



    Description:
       I used to sing songs to myself when no one was around and I just picked it back up recently, when times get tough its a good escape. This has a certain beat but still needs work, let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSometimesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Flashbacks
    Panic Attacks
    Take a spliff
    Throw it back

    Drink down miracles
    smoke away dreams
    tell me I'm the girl
    I wasn't meant to be

    Flashbacks
    Panic Attacks
    Take a spliff
    Throw it back

    Never erase time
    The way time was meant to be
    We're history in the making
    And its going down the drain

    Flashbacks
    Panic Attacks
    take a spliff
    throw it back

    The truth about forever is
    It wasn't meant to be




    Submitted on 2010-07-12 21:11:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The thing about the rhythm in this piece is that is oscillates quite a lot (at least the way I'm reading it). I could easily see the part in-between the refrain being sung all slow and bluesy just because of the way it's written, and the subject... it seems kind of nostalgic, seeking to make others appreciate the tragedy of life's situation. The refrain, however, seems like something a camp councilor would utter, all attentive and on the ball, holding people's hands looking around to spread the energy. I understand the nature of their presence, and to be honest, they work quite well towards that purpose.. but I think the shortness of the slow bits and the generally even-spread between those two parts is.. distracting?

    Generally when I read "lyrics" (not that you've called these as much, but I'm making the assumption here given your contextual foreground) I can't really relate them to music well, but this I definitely can. Which, I hope, is a really good thing. But without that musical component to frame the rhythm with a melody, the bit I mentioned is kind of too present to be ignored. It's kind of like hearing partisans arguing two stereotypical point of views over the intelligentsia who're trying to have a serious conversation.

    and I don't know quite why, but I feel like the title would benefit from you adding a space between the two words. "some times" -- I suppose it would be to avoid having the title be a precursor to the snappy rhythm.

    Then again, I could be reading this all whacked up. It is 7 in the morning where I grew up.

    Outlaw.
    | Posted on 2010-07-29 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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