Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love letter.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Snarkypoet
    ASL Info:    20/F/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 6/7/12
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Misc/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 296



    Description:
       Just a little thing I whipped up a while ago when I was in a dark mood.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove letter.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I love you so much.

    How can I ever express what you mean to me?
    All I can do is cling
    To you and tell you to never leave my side.
    Every day I wake to find

    Your name my lips. It is
    Obvious that I will be yours
    Until the end of time.




    Submitted on 2010-07-14 15:29:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i think that the sentiment of this piece is lovely. however, it tells and fails to show. what i mean by this is that this piece would be amazing if it had some imagery interposed through out.

    i love you so much...

    is a very bland opening. (imo, pls dont be offended with my comment/critique). almost anything would be better in its place. start dramatic, as it were.
    i
    "my heart whispers words of love...(corny, i know, but you get the point).

    all i can do is cling...

    i cling to you as an eaglet taking its first flight...(corny...yes, but you get the point again). eaglets cling for life upon the back of their mothers when they learn to fly.

    overall, its good, but images throughout would make it amazing. thanks for the read.

    be well
    -john-paul

    p.s. just my thoughts. thats all.
    | Posted on 2010-07-15 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186182

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry