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    dots Submission Name: Window Paindots

    Author: MrBear
    ASL Info:    19/M/Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 59/109/48
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802


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    dotsWindow Paindots

    She sat by the window,
    looking at the sky.
    Her eyes lowered with sadness,
    but too strong to cry.

    She sat by the window,
    deep in her thoughts.
    Or consumed by emotion,
    eyes glazed and lost.

    She sat by the window,
    as a dove flew by.
    Her eyes shot into action,
    she followed it fly.

    She sat by the window,
    like a porcelain doll.
    And smiled just a little,
    undamaged was her charm.

    She sat by the window,
    enchanting to me.
    I wish what she saw outside,
    she might see in me.

    She sat by the window,
    now back to her thoughts.
    Figuring on the past,
    when the future's not lost.

    ~ Teddy Dayton ~

    Submitted on 2010-07-17 15:18:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice I like the first verse the most. You could work on the rythym and flow a little but other than that i have no suggestions ..very good write..stormy
    | Posted on 2010-07-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      The times I've sat by the window, dissecting my thoughts are numerous... many will relate to this I think.

    She sat by the window,
    deep in her thoughts.
    Or consumed by emotion,
    eyes glazed and lost.

    Love this part...eyes glazed and lost...as was said before, its as if you have read our minds.
    nice work...i loved this.
    | Posted on 2010-07-23 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Ever have one of those days when everything you read seems like someone was inside your head the day before and wrote about it? That's what this made me feel like. Even better was the small simple structure. I have no nitpicking to do, you've accomplished a good thing here. Be proud.
    | Posted on 2010-07-21 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      The future is not lost, amen to that. Reminds me of an evening I spent waiting for something impossible, looking out a window, following every sound and image. Very sleek, very nice. x MSS
    | Posted on 2010-07-17 00:00:00 | by MornSweetSong | [ Reply to This ]

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