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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fairy Landdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dancer-of-words
    ASL Info:    21/trans/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.6 - 167/158/74
    Words: 327
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2253



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFairy Landdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The small, exquisite fairy queen
    has slippers made of glass.
    Her crown is golden filigree
    her dress the greenest grass.

    She wears a necklace string of silk
    with tiny dewdrops strung
    the smallest drops you ever saw
    are on her necklace hung.

    Her voice is like a nightingale,
    her face so clear and bright.
    Her hair like sunshine curling down,
    her eyes so full of light!

    Beside her sits the fairy king,
    his boots are made of gold.
    His robes are fine spun spider silk
    in rainbow colors bold.

    His royal crown of shining gold
    with jasper, amber, jade;
    rich rubies, opals, topaz rare
    and sapphire is inlaid.

    His sword is an Acacia thorn
    and sharpened to a sliver,
    while needles of a Scottish pine
    are arrows for his quiver.

    His gloves are gold, his sword hilt gold,
    his hair is gold as well.
    And o'er a golden age he ruled,
    (as anyone can tell.)

    His people all wear acorn cups
    with slender stems as buckles.
    And in the summer they enjoy
    their hats of honeysuckles.

    In daylilies turned upside down
    the fairy people dwell.
    Green stems are used as center poles,
    (though twigs are used as well.)

    The tiny fairy king and queen
    live in a flower castle;
    of such exquisite beauty
    that it awes both lord and vassal.

    Its tapestries of rose petals
    are sewn with golden thread,
    of ladies fair on ladies' bugs
    in black and spotted red.

    The tower tops are daylilies
    turned upside-down, and white.
    The doors are amaryllis leaves,
    forever red and bright.

    The windows are of frosted glass
    with petal curtains frilly.
    And as a dome, upon it sits
    a pink-white water-lily.

    These are the fairy king and queen
    and this their small domain,
    untouched by years or human tears
    forever they remain.














    Submitted on 2010-07-27 17:56:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      When you said that "Dark Night" was not one of your better pieces it made me wonder so here I am again . I read "Sky" and it was a delightfully paradoxical thought with really good use of rhyme and meter . I thoroughly enjoyed it from beginning to end . Then I read "In the Shadows of Trees" and although I haven't known too many shallow and superficial plastic people in my life I found it to be an earnest and sincerely presented admonition for those of this persuasion . Once again the rhymes where creative , the meter almost impeccable , and the inductive reasoning sound and well presented . Then I read this piece and I am in awe of its poetic prowess . "Fairy Land" is a positively surreal , sumptuously decadent creation of an imaginary realm so well presented it seems almost real . I love the way so much of this realm is constructed with natural things . It really gives the fantasy an earthy and easily visualizable feel . You have depicted it with so much detail and still the lilt and flow are consistent and fluid . This is seriously accomplished poetry , deep and complex , full of brilliant hues and subtle shades . Although I agree with Soul-Hugger's rewrites I don't have anything critical to say . In fact I don't feel competent to critique poetry this good . I think I'll just try to learn from it . One argument though , I intend to take them with me so this will not be the only place they remain . Thanks .

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2010-11-06 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      This is delightful! It tells a voyeuristic tale of the land of the Fairy, with excellent rhyme and meter. It is a fun read, with a light, delightful mood!

    Nice work.
    | Posted on 2010-08-04 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very well put together. The rhyme was excellent and rarely stumbled the whole way through!

    The last line of the fifth stanza would be better said as "in his crown are laid," because you already said "in," and it helps the flow as well.

    The second to last stanza I think would be made perfect by saying "the pinkest water-lily," or "a pink-white water lily."

    With these two simple changes the flow would be absolutely immaculate.

    I really enjoyed your vision of these beautiful if diminutive creatures that inhabit our dreams. Lovely that you had them use nature as materials, which made this even more lovely.

    A beautiful and memorable work.

    soul-hugger
    | Posted on 2010-07-27 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


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