What does she know that I do not? Perched upon her throne. Silent. Watching.
What does she see that I do not? For I know she sees far and great visions. Such which others travel oceans and mountains to have but a moment of her clarity… what is her clarity?
What does she feel that I do not? For I have seen her still face and wonder at the emptiness. Yet when she smiles… oh what a beautiful smile… it melts the ice from within my frozen chest. It is almost a wonder within itself to see her change from distant to present. When she acknowledges you, she comes alive. There is only you in this universe.
Once I sat before her, in private audience. Seeking her secrets, wanting her ways. I watched and waited. Finally after what seemed a silent eternity she regarded me.
“Yes. You want to be what I am. Yet you desire something which I can not grant. It would destroy you. Bring your mind into chaos. Perhaps your soul into darkness. It is something which you must journey for as a child and as a soul”
“You see me empty, for this beauty is simply a shell. When I smile it is my soul you see. When I laugh it is the sounds of silence you hear”
She sighed, “You want to be what I am for the wrong reasons. You are a child. Envious of attention and greedy for knowledge. Knowledge is free my dear. You must simply try.”
Once I sat beside her. It seems so long ago. Yet time seems to change in her presence… she spoke to me in words so simple, yet I know. I know she hordes her ways. I know she hides her visions… she can not grant sight for it is too much to bear… yet she does it beautifully
Try. Simply try. Why try when it seems so close? She is there. I am here. I want to know!
Then thunder silenced my mind. I turned in awe as the throne shook and the grounds beside her quaked. There she was with eyes as she regarded me in the minds space.
“I have listened. For years. As you wanted to know. As a child. You are stubborn. Yet I see you need this.
For I regarded you and gave you your path. I taught you my ways and showed you my light. I tried for you, for I saw myself in you.
Once there was a girl. That was me. I followed the path. Followed the ways. It broke me. Silenced me. Made me collapse and blinded me.
Yet as I lay on the earth dying. I was reborn. Reborn with sight and solace.
It was my journey which made me. It was my will which taught me. It was my mind which molded me. It was my soul which guided me.
You simply wish to reach the destination with no journey. Is this the truth?”
With the thunder subsiding from my mind. I built up my courage and said, “Yes”.
They say silence is deafening… I believe the same for her laughter… the next moment she was beside me. our universe seemed to be shadowed. For we were there, yet we were in the shadow. I regarded her, then my other self. I was still and empty.
“Do you see?”
Then she reached her finger and touched my third eye, my mind’s eye. I felt it open. Instantly the pain over took any other emotion. It was not physical. It was the sounds, the colors, the millions of people, millions of emotions… possibilities, realities, searching, journeys, truth, receipt, lies, happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow, death, birth, life, knowledge…. it was infinity. It was too much…
“STOP!!! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!”
“Have you seen enough? I showed you less than anyone has ever even begun to see with eyes open. I let you feel all which you could have begun to feel on your own had you journeyed the life… Had you have had your way. I would have left you with my sight, my knowledge, my emotions and you would have gone mad. It is more than holding infinity… it is the manner in which you seek and obtain it.
I know not how long I sat in silence. I was alone. She was there yet had returned. I was ready to return. The question is now… would I journey the journey. Do I wish to have her sight. her knowledge, her emotions? I began to walk away from the throne. Staring at my feet as I was in deep thought. I heard her through my mind’s eye. I turned and stared at her. She looked so sad. So empty. So alone. I was humbled and ashamed.
I would journey the journey.
With that she smiled. It was inward, yet I saw it shine.