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    dots Submission Name: The Waterfalldots

    Author: MidnightSun89
    ASL Info:    21/M/N.M
    Elite Ratio:    6.45 - 63/31/27
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 750

       Uhh..just read it. Give thoughts not critiques.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Waterfalldots

    The Moon is grey
    while I walk these cold
    stone streets at night
    to bury the weight
    of a heart too heavy
    to hold and keep

    The colours of the storm
    fall with the rain
    onto the mirrors of glass
    that act as aisles
    to direct the course
    of your river that was

    The garden it's in
    will burn forever.
    Despair led me to it
    and I'm afraid my heart
    is falling apart tonight
    but yes I am still

    It falls underground
    and buries with water
    the things you let go
    the last time you said:
    I love you.
    What is left?

    Submitted on 2010-08-06 22:53:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      "to bury the weight
    of a heart too heavy
    to hold and keep

    This reminds me of those lone walks that you sometimes need to simply clear your head. Especially when you permit yourself to get close to someone and it's at least seemingly not working out at the moment. Though I reached two interpretations of this 1) that the person feels as though they cannot leave the the other because they carry to much baggage maybe? 2) to you've simply been hurt to much to try or your feelings have built up because their not accepted....

    Am I anywhere close?

    "that act as aisles
    to direct the course
    of your river that was

    I really dont understand this part of the stanza. However I do love the reference to a mirror before hand :]

    The separation of the the words at the end of each stanza causes you to focus on the words and really try to take away their meaning. It flows pretty well and the sentence break is done flawlessly.

    "What is left?

    Indeed and you still have to deal with it.

    Thanks for the read.

    | Posted on 2011-01-08 00:00:00 | by BlueTorcher | [ Reply to This ]

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