Why am I prond to people taking what they wish
& throwing the rest of me away?
Why am I set up for disappointment and failure?
I wish to not feel these feelings
I long to know what normalness is
I ach to be everything I am not
Nevertheless I am ...
And for the foreseeble future
No longer an individual
No longer a human being whom have feelings thoughts and ideas
I am simply another peice of trash
something else you can throw out once your bord with me...
its alright I'm use to it!
I like what Ron Cole said. While it is true the victim has it bad, in some ways the abusers DO have it worse. Being loved is not the same as being feared. And people who abuse have lots of fears too.
Although there are certainly sad tales where people die victims, there are also a heck of a lot of success stories out there too; where the victim decides to stop being a victim, to seek out people who respect themselves and others. (There are stories of abusers recovering too, but their road in many ways is longer and more arduous, fraught with difficulty and relapse.)
I've had many experiences with abusers, and have had a lot taken from me. I have often been left hurt, angry, and confused, because most of the time, I was simply trying to love the unloved. There is a fine line between the openness and vulnerability you need in a loving relationship, and allowing yourself to be walked on. One can easily confuse one for the other.
I've asked myself at times, what, do I have a "kick me" sign on my back or something? Sometimes I think the answer is, yes. I think there have been times I thought I didn't deserve any better. Or that it wouldn't be better anyway. But I was wrong.
We also have an innate sense of justice in that when someone hurts us we want to hurt them back... but these people are already hurting themselves. When we realize this the anger goes. We also want to know the why of it, but most times an abuser's mind-set is so foreign to non-abusers that we wouldn't totally get it anyway. Unfortunately closure is not always possible.
I appreciate your honesty. It takes a lot to admit some of these things. My only little nit-pick is with the spelling. In a way it's not so bad here, because it makes the writer look really distressed.
This is ssad but I know it's real well..Because this is exactly how I feel.I feel with me as an individual ppl want me to give them what they want themselves to have for selfish reasons.It's never a good thing.I can honestly say I am just discovering the true meaning of friendship,I totally agree with the 1st posted comment, Ron Cole.I dont understand how a person can want only the good things you got rather than everything about you including flaws becasue we all have them.It's a good one J.I can only hope and pray for you that you'll escape all the bull[censored] and pain that hangs over.Truly find a way to stay away from.What makes you a very good writer to me Jackie is that u r always real wit it.You never hold back.Don't lose that cause you can dush out some pain buy writing, some pain neway.cya J
This is so sad, but that's getting it said. Don't forget that users and abusers have a worse fate; they can never get to know real friendship, love, success, or pride. They are doomed to nothingness until they learn better, and learn to rise above their own selfishness.
You are a lovely gal, and deserve tenderness and respect.