Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Umbilical Chorddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1058



    Description:
       ~semi-finished~

    ...perhaps...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUmbilical Chorddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Umbilical Chord

    down with originals
    that cast a cloned shadow
    that can't be called real
    unless your reality
    includes unique copies
    superior forgeries
    and ingenious fakes

    every day the sun rises
    the moon spawns its cycles
    lungs absently breathe
    and food is ingested as every function
    with every dysfunction and tangential harpy
    of cause and effect, refraction and madness
    and midnight reflection remain true to form

    predictably random
    both dark and light
    both death and dream
    hell's heavenly angel
    all different the same

    the time has come to shred
    the veil of smoke we call order
    and weave the dangling tassels
    into instruments of ardor -

    Hippy garlands of joy? Check.
    Ferocious attack on social inequities? Check.
    Weary heroics of a caped fatalist? Check and check.
    Slow fade into jaded cynicism? Check, please.




    Submitted on 2010-08-08 22:07:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Slow fade into jaded cynicism?"

    More like the cynicsm express lane, I think. But I like.

    "predictably random
    both dark and light
    both death and dream
    hell's heavenly angel
    all different the same

    the time has come to shred
    the veil of smoke we call order
    and weave the dangling tassels
    into instruments of ardor -"

    Isn't that a true thing? Nothing is really the way it seems, or at least not as clear cut as we'd like to think. Thank goodness.

    annie

    | Posted on 2011-02-06 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the piece but in a way I agree with DaleP. What I mean is the last stanza should be its own piece! It's a prime example to me of how much can be said with few words... I find myself always saying im far to cynical and jaded for the age 27, but non the less I am.


    I actually feel that the piece works well if you remove the last stanza and leave it as is...
    | Posted on 2010-12-26 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      keep the last stanza throw out the rest
    | Posted on 2010-12-05 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186535

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Push written by JanePlane
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry