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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bitter Sonnetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hecate
    Elite Ratio:    5.01 - 28/30/14
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 732
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 676



    Description:
       It's a sonnet, y'alls.
    Also, don't worry, despite the depressing tone--on the whole I think life's pretty okay.
    Forgive my iamb errors.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBitter Sonnetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A gravity of aches has drawn us gaunt
    A not-so-Newton pull unto the ground
    Like airy orbs we ring our smoky haunts
    But, comet-like, we're always falling down.
    The arms of earth will rock our sleepy heads
    Where tender flesh gives way to tender shoots
    What rest awaits within those mossy beds
    For those of us with heavy heavy boots.
    Above the ground the sun sears bare our skin
    And mocks our hurried antheap lives below
    The bitter swill of sea rolls out and in
    We reap in swathes the misery we sow.
    The tears we do not shed will crystallize
    And build up walls behind our weary eyes.




    Submitted on 2010-08-15 18:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's a sonnet, 14 lines and all, decent rhyme scheme and decent metre. It does however read as if the rhyme is leading the sense by the nose.
    Don't get me wrong. I applaud your genuine attempt to use the poetics of the sonnet. A good poem also has a good message or emotional stimulus is addition to the poetics. Most poems I read on this site are just an emotional message with no poetics at all. Yours is much much better than these, but I don't feel a genuine message or emotive content coming through.
    | Posted on 2010-08-16 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      One thought: iamb's a [censored], isn't it.

    I love the lines "Like airy orbs we ring our smoky haunts/But, comet-like, we're always falling down." That, plus the mention of being un-Newtonian, creates a strange and delightful symetry in those lines. The ending two lines are absolutely stunning in bleak imagery. Now, the rhythm does bug me in some cases, and the "heavy heavy" bit in line 8 strikes me as a bit juvenile for some reason, but other than that, I love the imagery and some of these lines are perfectly quotable.
    | Posted on 2010-08-15 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]


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