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    dots Submission Name: Sonnet - Horizondots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 576
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 693


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    dotsSonnet - Horizondots

    A crusade to be won, greed my sword; shield-
    Everything is rhetoric to dictate;
    pervert the word of god, no eye will yield-
    despite the light -- senses dull -- dilate.

    Weightless; with out any form - I devolve;
    lock away - rape and take --- I eat resolve;
    resolution. Once upon a time - far;
    before we became so caustic like tar,

    I answer in riddles the emphasis-
    Dark is the tunnel of life no flame bound;
    Sometimes you're your own worst fear -- self stasis-
    Panic; unknown despair -- Inner flame found-

    We are the horizon of liberty;
    strength was what gave us continuity.

    Submitted on 2010-08-18 21:55:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I couldn't agree more with hanuman. I have read each and every one of the poems you have posted, and have been left with nothing to say.

    For the most part, I too look for poems I can either comment on in a positive way, or connect with on a personal level. If I see something that has an excellent concept or a couple of really good lines that show potential, I rarely disdain to comment on these as well. It is hard to give constructive feedback when you don't know where to start.

    That said, sonnets can be difficult to write. They need to be tight. You must make every word count, and rework the lines until they do. You are also working under a constrained format which is much more challenging to do than to simply write from the heart and to allow what comes out to be what it is.

    Although sonnets will really sharpen your skills as a poet - they are good exercises - perhaps you would gain more if you wrote an outline poem first. You could see from there if it could be shaped into a sonnet or another type of poem.

    Most of us are not Simon Cowells. We don't want to be cranky, pushy, overly critical, or rude. We just want to help. But I admire that you keep trying. That is a good quality, and as they always say, practice makes perfect.

    | Posted on 2010-08-19 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]
      Come on. Give us a break! I like many others read poems on this website in the hope of finding something to comment on, and believe it or not, to comment on in a positive fashion.
    This poem doesn't give me the whisper of a chance of saying anything positive. You have simply strung together a list of discordant words that don't in fact make any sense. Some of these words are emotive words that can sound interesting, but in conjunction with each other they don't actually mean anything.
    Yes, I know, they probably mean something to you an d by this time you are feeling unappreciated and possibly even insulted by my honest criticism.
    If you publish on an open website, you have to take the rough with the smooth. I believe that any writer has a duty to communicate with his audience.
    This is indeed rhymewise and metrically largely a sonnet, so please try to rewrite it to convey what you mean. Never let the desire to find a rhyming word guide your choice of words. The sense should always come first. Let the semantic appropriateness of each word in its context be your guide and you won't go far wrong.
    | Posted on 2010-08-19 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]

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