Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

and i sing to the boundless earth

Author: Soul-Hugger
ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:    8 - 409 /222 /66
Words: 159
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1878
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1056


a word and thought experiment as my writing takes a new direction. perhaps partially inspired by the poem "Soliloquy in the Waves" by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, which can be found as my present journal.

and i sing to the boundless earth

and i sing to the boundless earth,
letting its returning voice carry me to far-off
cliffs, where the power of water can be heard
in the waves, seen in the caves rising like cathedrals
where fish hunt and shelter; my thoughts

(slow and damp) evaporate from sandy beaches,
sun-scorched dunes, and rise as mist
above the place where some unknown force
turned miles of desert sand into solid sheets of glass
and the amber stones in Tutankhamen's crown

crystallize now the image of some ancient
soul, standing on a beach, hand shielding sun-
flooded, light-filled eyes; gaze traveling over
the same stretch of sea before the same alabaster
dawn; the billowing fields of imagination
flung out and over the water,
grains of sand blown high as the stars.

how delicate is space and time, how elastic.

now, in my room, i run my rustic
hands over your palms,
forgetting my fingerprints.

Submitted on 2010-08-24 18:11:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


   Erin :
You know , I've heard you say more than once that you don't like any of the new stuff you've been writing . I don't know how this could be so when you're writing things like this . If I might borrow a word from Daniel Barlow , the enjambment really puts an intriguing twist on it all . How all the thoughts don't seem to follow a meter , and yet as the abstract ideas are presented this really forces your mind to stretch even further to confirm your comprehension . As a singer I envy you this method of presentation . It is so difficult for me to cause people thoughts like these with my music . I have to say this piece really answered my questions about the depth and breadth of your quest for truth and love . In fact with the third verse you have now included the souls that have departed our corporeal realm in the reach of your desire . Beautifully done I will add . I especially liked the last line of this verse when you allow your imagination to see them as "grains of sand blown high as the stars" . I like to think I am capable of such romanticism and indeed often find myself lost in the quandaries this kind of thinking leads to . In fact I have no problem imagining forgetting my fingerprints when touching someone's hand .

| Posted on 2010-10-22 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
  Lovely, it's really absolutely lovely. I am awed by your precise choice in diction to paint a picture with this poem. In particular, the alabaster imagery is spot-on.

Honestly, I have only one nit-picky bit to discuss. Oddly enough, it's the first line in context with the second line that throws me off. My opinion is lowly and humbly given, so choose as you see fit whether or not to take this into consideration. It seems a little counter-intuitive at first read. Our story-teller/ narrator begins singing, and then quite suddenly the Earth is singing instead and pulling the narrator far-away in thought. As the reader, the transition was a too quick. Perhaps it is merely opinion, but I would hope for more explanation. Was the narrator singing and the Earth sang back, or (as I firmly believe it to be) was the Earth singing first and our narrator merely stopped to listen and then chose to join in glorious song? Does that make sense? I certainly hope it will.

In the end, it is a stunning work of art and I give you the respect you deserve for writing something so clearly from the heart. I believe that poetry lives and breathes in the movements and moments of day to day. It fills us up. This filled me up, and I am still savoring the words in my mouth. Well done.

| Posted on 2010-09-21 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]

I could eat your poems
in a clutch
like a fox stealing eggs


Neruda is one of those poets that can completely and thoroughly overwhelm me, that just stuns me. He is all heart, and possibly one of the last really good love poets to come our way -- in my humble opinion, and aside from the fact that my nephew is half-latino, I would really love to learn Spanish just so that I could read him in his native tongue.

Anyway, this is lovely and carries itself both with and separate from Neruda, which is a very good thing. This is not a homage so much as art inspiring art. To begin off mid-sentence with such a wonderful line is just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, each line in this is wonderfully complete, each stanza its own poem and sentiment that contributes itself to something so much larger which is


in the end, love. And it is also one of those poems that leave me wondering why I am commenting, because I don't have anything to say but still, I wanted to make the appreciation known.

| Posted on 2010-08-31 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
  I think what I like about this, what I liked most at first was the enjambment.

and i sing to the boundless earth,
letting its voice carry me to far-off

the placement of cliffs is glorious because the technique/device you use there matches the content perfectly, it's a perfect perfect pause.

where the power of water can be heard
in the waves, seen in the caves rising like cathedrals
where fish hunt and shelter; my thoughts

and here, you've done it again with the thought of the fish sheltering placed so perfectly next to my thoughts and later when you talk about sheets of... and some antiquated dude/ette and forgetting your fingerprints in the palm of someone else's hand....


it's what the poem does, it has these planes of then and now, and here and there, and planes of reality that are masterfully interwoven,

and jeeez, I don't like to use the M word much but this is as good as anything I've seen you write but a long way

(slow and damp) evaporate from sandy beaches,
sun-scorched dunes, and rise as mist
above the place where some unknown force
turned miles of desert sand into solid sheets of glass

And this section just continues that great enjambment, mixing mind with matter, so that you are talking about one thing while perfectly describing another,

and, I read the description and was a little worried that this would be all overly romantic, trying to follow a Neruda poem, but this wasn't a Neruda poem it was better.

You have all the connections to make this such a rich offering, and again the technical skill you used to bring it to light was quite amazing, so that at the end I felt dazzled and richly rewarded while still feeling that this poem stretched me so that I wonder what it all means, I know and I don't know, and it's the most beautiful nothing I would want to read again and again.

I don't mean that as criticism either, I mean that it's probably a poem I'd want to read often but with decent intervals inbetween so that it would always be elusive.

just some thoughts.

I thought you hit it out of the park, and I wish I could hit one that far.


| Posted on 2010-08-26 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I'll be coming back to this
| Posted on 2010-08-24 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
  I just love this beautiful rhythmic appraisal of our wonderful earth. I went right along for the ride with you. Only one thing broke the spell for me, -- "reverberating" -- seems like a foreign body in the rhythm, maybe something to do with dialect?? dunno. I give it a wow vote anyway. Ted.
| Posted on 2010-08-24 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?