Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Breath Stalkerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 75/182/208
    Words: 355
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 553
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2116



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Breath Stalkerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    One by one it watched with hunger, craving the taste of yet another, eyes tracing the breath escaping from their mouths.
    Cold air separates -
    This could be the only reason why it peers into the windows of your house, it doesn't need slumber
    Coal black formless face - Eyes mother of pearl and enormous...
    - It clung to the walls becoming the form of the fly

    Patient it watched the family wine and dine; turkey and cake
    Patient it would listen to stories of war; summer time splendor and holidays of old.

    It was not death, it chose out of desire to take - Not time
    It was the fly who'd became the shadow behind the drapes.
    - Peering from behind, it waited for father to unwind
    -- Whiskey; wine for mother
    The children yawned and stretched, tired from the events of the day

    Patient it dimmed the lights; Above the lampshade it perched, waiting for prey
    Patient it watched mother tuck the kids away

    -It moved as "dads" eyes closed
    A simple gesture of its hand - Took his breath away

    It had become the fly on the wall, the room was dark - void of life
    "Mom" was easy, it smiled, scoffed at her resting in the armchair - She must of fallen asleep reading.
    Another breath to steal as the children laugh and giggle.
    - Unknown to the death of mother and father, they displayed a childish wonder for the growing darkness at the edge of the light.
    -- It moved under his pillow - eyes open ready to deliver an eternal slumber

    Patient it made the boy so cold, pulling up the sheets it brushed over his face - He moved no more
    Patient it savored the small struggle, a whimper fine like winter and wine

    She hummed and whistled unknown to her brothers untimely dismissal.
    It became the snake, under her bed and to her window.
    A form of a man, eyes wide like a ghost in the mirror

    Like smoke it vanished, patiently awaiting stories of his victims.




    Submitted on 2010-08-26 17:40:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is amazing, so dark and creepy. It gave a sense of something more sinister happening with the little girl at the end.

    The imagery was great in this, and I love how the atmosphere of the piece was set. I wanted to know more after it finished, which is the thing story tellers should strive to achieve.

    Very well done on the impressive write,

    Linzi

    P.s I'll add this to my favourites =]
    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      Like it. Minor glitch or two was a little distraction but look it over several times and be happy if you find them yourself. Left me a little wondering still.
    | Posted on 2010-08-27 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186765

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Outlaw
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry