[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Story of, etc...dots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 75/182/213
    Words: 342
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1931


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots The Story of, etc...dots

    We walked down towards the reservoir, hand in hand with our ego and swagger
    - La da da, ah shit, etc...
    - La da da, well Hell, etc...
    - La da da, lets see

    I took all the preparations to make sure it was dusk, sometime heading towards night.
    Somewhere along the road it went wrong.
    - La da da, hey here, etc...
    - La da da, hey right here, etc...
    - La da da, stop and see

    We choked on straight neon green, laughing about the waste of last weeks rent.
    Flicking stems and seeds, twisting and we blasted off into the deepest of deep water-
    - Oh no no, you won't be lucky, etc...
    - Oh no no, I don't care just take a look at what I bought, etc...
    - Oh no no, it shines so mean

    I could see in his eye, the betrayal that stirred as he pulled out the same shine.
    A tension that couldn't of been cut with a knife.
    - Oh no no, a predicament, etc...
    - Oh no no, you've surprised me once again, etc...
    - Oh no no, only one will stand

    - La de da, so long old friend, etc...
    - La de da, we moved around, etc...
    - La de da, arms length we fought,

    I stabbed as I pulled him down under the water, again and again.
    Again and again and again until fifty eight punctured his skin
    - La de da, oh ha ha, etc...
    - La de da, I'm so tired, etc...
    - La de da, he deserved it.

    We knew it was going to end that day, too bad your author didn't see it the same way.
    Clever quips and maniacal melodies cannot hide he's dead you see
    Murdered by his desire to be the last man standing,
    Iron man of emotions murdered by his controlling inter suspicions-
    - Ha ha ha, etc...
    - Ha ha ha, etc...
    - Ha ha ha, this is the story of, etc...

    Submitted on 2010-08-28 21:26:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I feel like I want to understand this, badly. So please, if you can..explain to me sometime. What I gathered was a fight where one opponent dies in the end, as always happens. This tells me that the dialogue and 'filling' to the story is irrelevant, because the ending had already been decided. At first I thought it was a man and a woman, but in the end I was left with a man vs. a man. Two people getting high, and speaking of wasting time-money-life-etc, then trying to hack each other up with a knife, because of their egos. That might be all wrong, and if not, still explain to me. It would be much appreciated

    | Posted on 2010-08-29 00:00:00 | by sensetofeel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    AI written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    True Death written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fasade written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]