(No Spam mail)
5.36 - 92/90/27
No vote yet.
Every day I smile.
Every day I laugh.
But I ain't been happy since...
I forgot to count.
It feels like I am empty.
It feels like I am numb.
It feels like I have all the parts,
But fail to make a sum.
I'm bored and tired all the time.
All I want is sleep.
I'm feeling so lethargic,
Like a talking, moving heap.
The simplest of pleasures
That once kept me enthralled,
Are now like small annoyances
That only fuel my gall.
The seasons soon are changing.
I hope my mood does too.
I hope that nature shows me how
To start it all anew.
Submitted on 2010-09-03 16:34:04
Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Rate This Submission
2: I dunno...
4: Pretty cool
||| Comments |||
well the title interested me right away...
one of my all time favorite groups...
the first stanza also intrigued me...and then the poem itself...that late winter hibernation hanging on...lethargic..wanting to wake up but can't get with it...
there is a good flow to this after the first stanza...and that rhyme scheme works well..
i kept going back to the first stanza trying to decide if i wanted to feel a rhyme to match the others in the poem...but not sure..
i think the first stanza creates the uneasy feeling...and although the poem moves through itself in rhythmic fashion after that...that first uneasy stanza keeps making us come back to it..
like we keep coming back to the bad mood...waiting for spring to smooth itself out.
| Posted on 2011-03-18 00:00:00 | by
Reply to This
Interesting play on words. The beginning kept me reading and I'm glad it did. I've been looking over some of your other pieces and am intrigued. Keep the creative juices flowing.
| Posted on 2011-02-27 00:00:00 | by
Reply to This
Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Enter your search terms
Submit search form
January 10 07
I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my
[ Smaller ]
[ Bigger ]