Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Racing Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SammySueYou
    ASL Info:    23/f/nm
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 90/78/30
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1323



    Description:
       I was feeling "emo" when I wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRacing Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Words caught
    in a spider web,
    filtering what I really said.
    Racing thoughts
    invading my mind,
    topics fast-forward
    and then rewind.
    voices conversate
    over my every action,
    inside I cower..
    an immense reaction.
    I lost my voice
    inside of my throat,
    I had to write
    you a hopeless note.
    Help me find
    where my real self got lost,
    buried beneathe broken promises
    and covered in frost.
    I want to thaw
    my frozen heart out,
    the ability to do that
    is clouded with doubt..
    The world keeps putting
    dead weight on my back,
    its hard to get out
    of this hole that's covered in black.
    The hole keeps getting deeper,
    its sucking me in,
    I need to claw and scratch
    at these creatures living within.
    A vampire lives inside me
    leeching off of my hope,
    sucking my happiness dry
    and leaving me inable to cope.
    Can somebody break past those barriers
    with powerful words,
    speaking with such force
    that tramples big herds?
    Maybe one day I can save
    what is left inside,
    only I can fix it
    and take another with me
    along for the ride....




    Submitted on 2010-09-11 06:53:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like you're going through some pretty rough [censored].
    | Posted on 2010-09-12 00:00:00 | by Nayno | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. As you painted this picture I was climbing rung for rung up a hill, then you would tie in your emotions and brought me over the hills peak. Like this part:
    A vampire lives inside me
    leeching off of my hope,
    sucking my happiness dry
    and leaving me inable to cope
    It was a nice flow to it. Except for that part ^ but that's ok because it slows the reader down and brings attention to that part of the poem.
    | Posted on 2010-09-11 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186990

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Genesis written by saartha
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry