Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Racing Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SammySueYou
    ASL Info:    23/f/nm
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 90/78/30
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 522
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1323



    Description:
       I was feeling "emo" when I wrote this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRacing Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Words caught
    in a spider web,
    filtering what I really said.
    Racing thoughts
    invading my mind,
    topics fast-forward
    and then rewind.
    voices conversate
    over my every action,
    inside I cower..
    an immense reaction.
    I lost my voice
    inside of my throat,
    I had to write
    you a hopeless note.
    Help me find
    where my real self got lost,
    buried beneathe broken promises
    and covered in frost.
    I want to thaw
    my frozen heart out,
    the ability to do that
    is clouded with doubt..
    The world keeps putting
    dead weight on my back,
    its hard to get out
    of this hole that's covered in black.
    The hole keeps getting deeper,
    its sucking me in,
    I need to claw and scratch
    at these creatures living within.
    A vampire lives inside me
    leeching off of my hope,
    sucking my happiness dry
    and leaving me inable to cope.
    Can somebody break past those barriers
    with powerful words,
    speaking with such force
    that tramples big herds?
    Maybe one day I can save
    what is left inside,
    only I can fix it
    and take another with me
    along for the ride....




    Submitted on 2010-09-11 06:53:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like you're going through some pretty rough [censored].
    | Posted on 2010-09-12 00:00:00 | by Nayno | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. As you painted this picture I was climbing rung for rung up a hill, then you would tie in your emotions and brought me over the hills peak. Like this part:
    A vampire lives inside me
    leeching off of my hope,
    sucking my happiness dry
    and leaving me inable to cope
    It was a nice flow to it. Except for that part ^ but that's ok because it slows the reader down and brings attention to that part of the poem.
    | Posted on 2010-09-11 00:00:00 | by HECATE_Sservant | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    186990

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Wavelength written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Giving written by jjd
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bond written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry