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    dots Submission Name: Loved, Lost, Repeat.dots

    Author: Hazy skies
    ASL Info:    18/M/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 20/51/26
    Words: 223
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 789
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1575

       Sorry for the double post of this. I accidentally deleted it while trying to edit it. lol

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoved, Lost, Repeat.dots

    Awaken now my friends,
    Not from sleep
    But from soul.
    See what beauty I do behold.

    Come dance the dance with me,
    Not with music
    But with heartbeats.
    Feel it drive your senses wild.

    Come move in the color of emotion,
    Not in the real
    But the surreal.
    Touch the true insanity within.

    Come with me and dance, sing.........feel,
    Not forever,
    Just this once.
    See the pleasures that I crave.

    Now fall with me my friends,
    Not to ground
    But to infinity.
    We will experience pain.

    Come bathe in the fires with me,
    Not for long
    Just a taste.
    I'll show you how to burn.

    Would you walk through ice and snow with me,
    Feel you shiver,
    Wish for heat.
    Fill our hearts with longing.

    Would you ask to make you numb,
    Never to feel,
    Never to care.
    Let it show you where your darkness lies.

    You'll run quick to the recovery,
    But not for too long because...

    The cycle will never stop turning,
    Just to complete
    Our circle.
    There's always another beauty to behold.

    And now that you have loved with me,
    Lost with me....,
    Tell me, how do you feel?

    Or tell me how to feel,
    Show me
    What's inside.
    It's time for you to lead.

    Submitted on 2010-09-12 13:58:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      For one so young, you seem to have such a broad understanding of life and what it needs to be really lived.
    | Posted on 2011-06-08 00:00:00 | by DUSTYTU | [ Reply to This ]
      I actually posted a comment to this not too long after I said I would, but I guess I was spent too long commenting and ES logged me out and the comment never got posted. I am sorry. I gave you such a hard time about commenting other people's stuff and Im just a hypocrite. Let me rectify and start again.

    The peice has some spectacular ideas. You could actually have two poems since there are two metaphors used here but not linked together.

    There is the idea that the romantic relationship is like a perfomance, it has a first scene, a climax, and conclusion, maybe an encore, all done through song and dance. I think just sticking to that would fit your subject so much better, Love, Lost, and Repeat. (when I was tipsy trying to comment a month ago I remember thinking that it reminded me of the directions on a shampoo bottle...shampoo, rinse, and repeat.)

    Towards the end there are three nice littel stanza that fit so well together. I like how you use temperature to describe feeling in them. Hot, Cold, Lukewarm, to describe the stages of a relationship. With some twist you may also be able to come up with something from them to stay with your theme.

    I wish you lots of luck on continueing your piece.
    | Posted on 2010-09-12 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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