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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ransomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: monad
    ASL Info:    64/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 1083/406/116
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 806
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 369



    Description:
       Lightning bow , hat pick


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRansomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Haloed harlot in the midnight moonlight
    To dance beside your spectral grace
    The fluid motions of your body so tight
    Together we will set the pace

    Misty shadows of towering mountains
    Lakes and streams cool waters flow
    Towards the oceans like shining fountains
    And beauties we'll forever know

    .




    Submitted on 2010-09-15 07:09:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was fantastic. Honestly bruce reading this makes me wonder why you dont write smaller simpler pieces all the time. Youre a very gifted person and extremely rounded in the use of diction. Which is why i appreciate pieces like these a little more. Untitled got me thinking, but its pieces like this that make me truly appreciate your talent. Simple yet deep.
    | Posted on 2014-07-10 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it very well writen and thought of, gave me the feeling of the woman I was with in life, the time spent, touching


    theinforment
    | Posted on 2013-02-14 00:00:00 | by theinforment | [ Reply to This ]
      What a captivating first line. This is quite a smooth read except for the third line, which seems a bit off metrically.

    This seems very whimsical, as if from a dream sequence. I enjoyed it very much, thanks Bruce.
    ~Chris
    | Posted on 2012-10-28 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely poem. Again, with the water flowing...
    Water of love seems to be a theme you return to.
    (Dire Straits made a pretty good tune by that name, btw)
    I like your haloed harlot, too...the whore with a heart of gold, eh? Midnight dancing in the misty shadows under the mountains...quite romantic.

    I'm not getting a martial arts feeling anywhere, though...

    and as far as a dark knight anywhere, I can only find anything knight-ish in the title...
    ...what heraldry are you displaying?
    That of a lover who remembers each encounter?
    (beauties we'll forever know)

    Also, there doesnt seem to be anything dark about this poem...other than the midnight setting of the tryst.

    I enjoyed this. Thanks for pointing me this way.
    | Posted on 2012-03-06 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, as spectral an image as she may be, you need to pay to dance with her.

    Apparently, that is what the title speaks of. Is it a heart being ransomed? Who is begging for release? Willing to pay for it . .

    Interesting piece.

    Not exactly "calming". Isn't that what you promised?

    I like it, though.

    | Posted on 2011-12-07 00:00:00 | by JanePlane | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this...like frolicking with Mother Earth...dancing in the moonlight with nature..

    "and beauties we'll forever know" if only we allow ourselves to...

    this moment captured in this poem is one all too often overlooked...
    | Posted on 2011-03-05 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      There is the woman you dream about then there is the woman you marry a few men go ahead and marry the harlot these may not be the sanest of men but they usually end up leading interesting lives. I am trying to relate the title to your poem and not having much luck.

    You have lightning bow and hat pick in your description. Lightning bow is a weapon in final fantasy and hat pick might place you in a house at Hogwarts. Therefore, if you let the harlot pick you keep your best weapon ready or you could end up paying too high a ransom for your dream. That is the best I have tonight.
    | Posted on 2010-12-01 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this could be a banging poem, for me it nearly is but the meter gets mangled in the 3rd and 4th lines

    in the 3rd line feels like it has an extra foot or so and as it there are stresses landing where unstressed sounds out to be and vice versa.

    in the second stanza it might be nice to play around with something different, to surprise the reader.

    i thought the second line could be abrupt but follow a logic sequence,

    lake. stream. water. flow. (just a general idea)

    and then the poem would catch back on to the rhythm for the closing lines.

    i think that as poems go, there's nothing better than chasing down a poem, i mean they can be amazing things that people carry with them their whole lives.

    i'd be adjusting and polishing and polishing the feck out of this one. real keeper here.

    and, if i sound didactic, these are just ideas offered in the spirit of working in the craft.

    db.
    | Posted on 2010-11-23 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this is a beautiful and graceful poem. The first line is really a hook; when I read it I knew I couldn't be disappointed.

    With such a short and well-composed piece, I really don't have a lot to say except I thought of auras, and of two lovers dancing at midnight. This has a perpetuating quality, it lingers even after reading is done.

    Bye for now,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2010-09-15 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


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