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Five Minute Poem

Author: Soul-Hugger
ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
Elite Ratio:    8 - 409 /222 /66
Words: 79
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1958
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 581


freewriting exercise

Five Minute Poem

The love, it brushes me,
leans out into
empty doorways, wishes,
dreams yet unfulfilled,
hours of quiet revelry

Here I am conspicuous as
a car-alarm`s wail at midnight;
a red-dressed lady strolling
blacked out streets;

as soft and new as
calf-leather and its
muted velvet scent -
I fold into each new moment
a star-centred square

to keep in this transparent jar
of untouched recollections, bending
to each new light
that spreads within.

Submitted on 2010-09-15 14:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i love this.

good exercise...five minutes..

the best pieces are natural and spontaneous in my book...

the second and third stanzas are knock out good...what terrific smooth imagery..

i am in a minority here...but i really think we can over tinker, and/or add too much length..just because we may feel the need to work pieces to death...when that isn't always necessary...good doesn't have to be that much work...not always.

i think over-tweaking can kill the rhythm and start making poems sound forced and destroy the thread...

i do believe in times...and playing around when creating..but i think the best things we write are the pieces that are most natural and spontaneous..

this piece is damn good...
"as soft and new / as calf leather and/ its muted velvet scent"

i wish i had written that..

| Posted on 2011-05-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  I envy you talented writers,
you all whom words come so naturally to. I haven't ever been able to write something of the same calibre as this for just a five min excercise.
The comment below me mentions that perhaps you're able to write such a nice piece because you pull from life experiences -but all writers do that. I'm def thinking it has more to do with a certain finesse with words.
The second stanza is wonderfully descriphive in a subtle yet direct way, there's no reason for anyone to not gdt the gist of it
thanks so much for sharing,
| Posted on 2010-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
  Written in five minutes, developed over a lifetime. Never be surprised at what develops. Look again and chances are you can see more.
| Posted on 2010-09-16 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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