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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Five Minute Poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/217/65
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1072
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 581



    Description:
       freewriting exercise


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFive Minute Poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The love, it brushes me,
    leans out into
    empty doorways, wishes,
    dreams yet unfulfilled,
    hours of quiet revelry

    Here I am conspicuous as
    a car-alarm`s wail at midnight;
    a red-dressed lady strolling
    blacked out streets;

    as soft and new as
    calf-leather and its
    muted velvet scent -
    I fold into each new moment
    a star-centred square

    to keep in this transparent jar
    of untouched recollections, bending
    to each new light
    that spreads within.




    Submitted on 2010-09-15 14:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i love this.

    good exercise...five minutes..

    the best pieces are natural and spontaneous in my book...

    the second and third stanzas are knock out good...what terrific smooth imagery..

    i am in a minority here...but i really think we can over tinker, and/or add too much length..just because we may feel the need to work pieces to death...when that isn't always necessary...good doesn't have to be that much work...not always.

    i think over-tweaking can kill the rhythm and start making poems sound forced and destroy the thread...

    i do believe in revision...at times...and playing around when creating..but i think the best things we write are the pieces that are most natural and spontaneous..

    this piece is damn good...
    "as soft and new / as calf leather and/ its muted velvet scent"

    i wish i had written that..

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I envy you talented writers,
    you all whom words come so naturally to. I haven't ever been able to write something of the same calibre as this for just a five min excercise.
    The comment below me mentions that perhaps you're able to write such a nice piece because you pull from life experiences -but all writers do that. I'm def thinking it has more to do with a certain finesse with words.
    The second stanza is wonderfully descriphive in a subtle yet direct way, there's no reason for anyone to not gdt the gist of it
    thanks so much for sharing,
    | Posted on 2010-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Written in five minutes, developed over a lifetime. Never be surprised at what develops. Look again and chances are you can see more.
    | Posted on 2010-09-16 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    187045

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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