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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Five Minute Poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/221/65
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1308
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 581



    Description:
       freewriting exercise


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFive Minute Poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The love, it brushes me,
    leans out into
    empty doorways, wishes,
    dreams yet unfulfilled,
    hours of quiet revelry

    Here I am conspicuous as
    a car-alarm`s wail at midnight;
    a red-dressed lady strolling
    blacked out streets;

    as soft and new as
    calf-leather and its
    muted velvet scent -
    I fold into each new moment
    a star-centred square

    to keep in this transparent jar
    of untouched recollections, bending
    to each new light
    that spreads within.




    Submitted on 2010-09-15 14:57:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i love this.

    good exercise...five minutes..

    the best pieces are natural and spontaneous in my book...

    the second and third stanzas are knock out good...what terrific smooth imagery..

    i am in a minority here...but i really think we can over tinker, and/or add too much length..just because we may feel the need to work pieces to death...when that isn't always necessary...good doesn't have to be that much work...not always.

    i think over-tweaking can kill the rhythm and start making poems sound forced and destroy the thread...

    i do believe in revision...at times...and playing around when creating..but i think the best things we write are the pieces that are most natural and spontaneous..

    this piece is damn good...
    "as soft and new / as calf leather and/ its muted velvet scent"

    i wish i had written that..

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-28 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I envy you talented writers,
    you all whom words come so naturally to. I haven't ever been able to write something of the same calibre as this for just a five min excercise.
    The comment below me mentions that perhaps you're able to write such a nice piece because you pull from life experiences -but all writers do that. I'm def thinking it has more to do with a certain finesse with words.
    The second stanza is wonderfully descriphive in a subtle yet direct way, there's no reason for anyone to not gdt the gist of it
    thanks so much for sharing,
    | Posted on 2010-09-29 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      Written in five minutes, developed over a lifetime. Never be surprised at what develops. Look again and chances are you can see more.
    | Posted on 2010-09-16 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    187045

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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