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    dots Submission Name: Dormitory dots

    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    27/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 880/703/256
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 889
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1140


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    dotsDormitory dots


    Blue towers in a blue grass,
    Yet the skies are crisp molten,
    Red, when the sight shifts
    Moving the bones of the planet -
    Smirking at the cries
    Of a rock bruising rock
    And out emerges
    The liquid depth of burning tears.
    What's this?

    Cold hands have slit
    The jugular of the world.
    Scattered through the fields
    the lost little thinglets,
    More ants
    then those numbingly chaotic sapienses,
    Scream out their throats,
    And the birds turn still - perfectly -
    In frozen mid flight.

    The knit of the fabric
    That never adopted transparency
    But favorably played tricks
    Is now to be found in bruises
    More profoundly darker
    Then nothing amidst the nothingness,
    It's vacuum spreading stench
    Wherever despair has made the soil

    The lights go out and then all is silent


    Submitted on 2010-09-22 13:52:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Somehow I got the image of an earthquake and then the molten lava flowing out from the cracks that appear on the second reading. On the first reading it just strike me as a normal day then something heart wrenching happens and the world seems to stop =\ However, I do not get the relation of the title to the piece
    | Posted on 2010-10-14 00:00:00 | by rubymoon | [ Reply to This ]
      The mood of this dark prose is that of going from the light into darkness, and the ensnarement of despair. While the heart beats, the mind hurts and the soul cringes, and all about the world freezes from bustle into silence.

    Your writing walks the razor's edge of brilliance!
    | Posted on 2010-10-11 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Your talented imagery and thought causing words comes through in this work. I am personally not into dark writing however, and feel uneasy reading it.
    | Posted on 2010-09-26 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      It is very refreshing to read a dark piece that isn't littered with clichés. This is so creative! I love your style! I look forward to reading more of your work soon. My favorite parts are the beginning and the end. I was pulled in from the beginning with the lines "Blue towers in a blue grass, yet the skies are crisp molten
    Red, when the sight shifts moving the bones of the planet."
    And I love the effect that ending the stanza with "What's this?" has. It's a perfect moment to pause and think through the stanza and adds to the intrigue.
    The final line, "The lights go out and then all is silent" wraps things up perfectly. Well done!
    | Posted on 2010-09-24 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]
      A dark write that conjures amazing images here, a potent poem with fine flow and movement, expertly done.. I loved it!!
    | Posted on 2010-09-23 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]

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