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    dots Submission Name: the sound of ice breakingdots

    Author: in shadow
    ASL Info:    22/F/ nightmares
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 581/277/103
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 431
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 928


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    dotsthe sound of ice breakingdots

    My lungs crystallized in the space between your heart beats,
    your voice was the sound of ice breaking
    every syllable sending shivers down my spine
    bringing me to my knees
    shudders wreaking havoc: arms crossed, legs bent.
    There on the frozen tile you swore that you would hold me
    till the shaking stopped,
    till I could breathe again,
    I was so black and blue I believed every word
    You wrapped yourself around me as I cried…
    as waves of darkness came crashing down on me.
    ...All the frost turned to broken glass when I woke up alone.
    I could still feel where your hands had touched my face.
    The cold seeped into my bones,
    hurting worse than anything,
    i lay on the floor pressing my hands desperately to my ears
    trying to block out the sound of
    ...you promised me...
    echoing against the bare walls

    Submitted on 2010-09-23 08:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there, you...
    I can dig it.

    "...All the frost turned to broken glass when I woke up alone."
    Maybe think about taking out the "alone". I know it's a point, but I think it's stronger without it.
    I may be just me- but I keep tripping over the "crystallized" in the first line... I like the image- and I tried to re-word/work it in my head- but nothing sounded better... But my mouth just kind of garbles on that first line.

    I do dig the imagery in this one- I have a whole scenario playing in my head now.

    You're such an Ice-Queen. You should make it snow for me.

    I'm so glad you still write on here! I need to. I've just been too happy to write the things I write. -Guess it's not a BAD thing, but...

    | Posted on 2010-09-25 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]

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