Description: This is actually not how I currently feel. Where it came from I'm not sure. Maybe a memory of how I once felt long ago. The words just came to me without prior concept or idea of what I wanted. I just wrote and then re arranged and edited what freely came to me into a consistent theme. This is not how i usually write poems...but I like the results.
Funny thing is I wrote the poem end first and am not sure about the beginning. I've improvised a begining from some lines that didn't previously fit but i'm not quite satisfied.
Feed back is welcome.
Drippings from the cracks -------------------------------------------
And I will trudge through the sloughs of my life
My feet mired in the ugliness our love has become
Day after day, mile after mile, without the salve of hope
Quietly come I unsafe to my assigned home
Mind worn dry by the dusts of over-worked hours
Only then to be made occupied by hollow pleasures
And I will collapse unto the bosom of my bed
Yet keep wakened so my war weary heart
Bleeds drippings into the pages of my diary
In the reprieve of a scheduled lights-out routine
Safe hidden by darkness and long awaited neglect
Comes the relief of my agony's tearful releasing
And I will lie in the tides of my emotions
Till the cracked dikes and levies of my psyche
Are crumble opened by the wind maddened sea
The title is quite promising and the text ofcourse lives upto that promise. I had expected it to be about nature but it happened to discuss the pains of a weary soul in both subtle and unsubtle ways. I can almost see the shoes sinking in mud with each successive step... and that is agonising. Well! I can absolutely relate with the second stanza and i guess all the people can who are occupied in unfulfilling tasks. I liked how elegantly you widened the canvas in the end.
I'm guessing your title got clipped by the websites software. That used to happen to me when wrote here more often. Similarly, the odd symbols in the word agony's are a result of mishandling of an apostrophe. You can fix it if you like by editing the piece and simply retyping the apostrophe in.
More importantly, you've struck a cord here. I used to spend a lot of time on Elite Skills, but I haven't been here in a very long time. Something brought me back today and I'm glad I stumbled on your piece first.
I particularly like some of the one-line imagery that you've created. "Quietly come I unsafe to my assigned home" really captures the feeling of coming home when it's not home any longer.
"And then, swallowed and drowned, will I sleep" is a great way of expressing the utter emotional exhaustion that's necessary before the heart and intellect will rest.
Nothing is lost, and it is amazing what can raise it's head unbidden from the past, -- interesting poem. As I read it, I think the first verse could be deleted, and lose nothing, and the second verse start as: -
Wearily I trudge through the sloughs of my life
-----------------------------------------
L3. suggest: - --------- without cheer or hope
I agree that "hallow" could be a typo???? It doesn't make sense for me.
And yes, I enjoyed the ride through your mind's back-spacings. Ted.
Tired and depressed. You mentioned you do not feel that now and that makes sense because this took more effort than you would be willing to put forth otherwise. I wonder about "hallow" and if you meant hollow, which would fit here. Nice capture of feelings.
Submission Name: Drippings from the cracks
