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    dots Submission Name: In a Dreamdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 978

       ok so this is my own personal responce to the piece A Broken Vow I wrote a couple days ago about my best friend. Now that the anger is calmed a little Im thinking more rationaly about things.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn a Dreamdots

    You were in this dream
    I had found you
    Submerged in doubt

    I pulled you out
    Taught you to breath
    Itís not to late to be saved

    And when you call
    To your side Iíll run
    Arms outstretched to catch you
    If ever you should fall

    In the dream I knew you
    My brother blood born
    Iíll never forget you

    You pulled me up
    Taught me to laugh
    Itís not too late to be saved

    And when you call
    At your side Iíll be
    Marching in time
    To what ever battle calls

    The dream isnít over
    Still many years left to live it
    Iím not walking away

    When youíve fallen
    I was never far behind
    Iíll never turn my back

    When tomorrow comes
    Youíll still be my brother
    And Iíll be at your side
    Marching along

    Submitted on 2004-07-26 16:41:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I haven't read anything else you've written, but I'm really glad that I started with this one-it's a great piece, especially for me, since I'm not very good at critiquing yet. I liked your general air of mystery throughout the piece. You didn't get through to what your message was until the last stanza-"I'll still be your brother". When I read it through the first time, I thought it was more of a love piece, like, a reassurance piece, (I have to say right now that I try to read the poem first without the description, then go back and read the description and the poem again.) but then I reread it, and I discovered that although it is a reassurance piece, it's not a "love in the conventional sense" love-it's a love that you have to keep because you've got to let them know that you'll help them. I think I like this piece based solely on the aspect of brotherly love. Thanks for a good write! -Archadya
    | Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Darc Archadya | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not going to start critiquing a piece like this because it was clearly something you needed to write. I'll just say I like "to your side I'll run." It's a good phrase.
    | Posted on 2004-07-26 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]

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