Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Candle Lit Strengthdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    21/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 165/83/37
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 405
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1306



    Description:
       I was hoping to see what people thought before putting any description in...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCandle Lit Strengthdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Light a fire in the darkness,
    And turn it into a dream
    Walk outside their footsteps,
    Follow the river's stream
    Wipe away those words,
    Take them off your skin
    Wash them in the water
    Their strength will never win.

    The monsters you envision,
    More real than I know
    But belief is not within me,
    My eyes are not so low
    Their voices are your knives
    You won't show me the wounds,
    Those voices of the night
    Howling at the moon

    They're throwing at you, icicles
    To shed away their cold
    Their laughter isn't warm enough,
    That's what you were told.
    A wind blows you too heavy
    Cold rain onto a bruise
    Pressures in your chest
    The breath you start to lose.
    Your hearts a steady quiver,
    Just hold your body still
    I'd help you make it through tonight
    If you would have the will.

    I light a fire in the darkness,
    Turn this all into a dream
    I walk so close behind you,
    And feel you in the stream.
    All those words that hurt you,
    No longer on your skin
    All those words, they took you from me
    Your freedom from their sin.




    Submitted on 2010-10-02 02:54:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If I were to give this poem honest thought, I would say my first impression is that this is about spiritual warfare.

    For even if you don't believe in "angels" and "demons," you must believe, at least, in positive and negative forces, even if they are within yourself.

    This reads to me as though you are telling someone not to be afraid; that you are there with them when those forces draw close, and that this should mean at least a little comfort.

    We associate fire with comfort, with the banishing of darkness. We use candles to hold the black unknown at bay, and our lighting of them can be symbolic of a sort of purification, or as a prayer, an offering, a ritual preceding meditation. Even ritual alone can be comforting, and people have developed many of these, which are often pervaded with superstition, but not always.

    I assumed you were talking to someone who has been affected by these forces, maybe someone who has heard voices... you are offering cleansing, an opportunity to see this in a new light...

    One could say there isn't much that can be accomplished alone. So much more can be done where two or more are gathered...

    But I also got that you were asking the person to be strong, because you can't help someone who won't help themselves. Any effort to do so on your part, though it might be valiant and with all good intentions, is in effect bashing your head against a wall.

    I found the rhyme to be pretty consistent throughout. There were a couple of places here I found the flow to stutter, but a few quick flicks of the pen and that could be remedied.

    For example, "more real than I know" could be " are more real than I could know."

    The line "pressures in your chest" as well had too few syllables to match with the rest.

    Nice work...

    Erin
    | Posted on 2010-10-02 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    187233

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry