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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the outcome of my plotdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 588
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 587



    Description:
       this morning didnt go too well...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe outcome of my plotdots
    -------------------------------------------


    she will cry more and more as time passes.
    why doesn't she just give up? shes just dreaming.
    AND THOSE DREAMS WILL BE NOTHING MORE!!!
    if only she can get that through her head and see.

    but i know she won't. she's not capable...
    should i just drop my plans? she suffers enough...
    or would that mean i HAVE gone soft?
    sigh... the choices to make in this world are rough...

    my decision...
    i'll let her be.
    humiliation,
    is more for me.

    so for now, ill let her cry




    Submitted on 2010-10-04 05:07:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way this piece is set up. The lack of capitalization as well as the structure reinforce the stream of conscious and conversation tone of it.

    The increased use of periods in the second stanza softens the piece at that point, creating a good transition to the ending of it.

    This part seemed a bit off in rhythm; it lacked the "stream" tone the rest of the piece has:

    my decision...
    i'll let her be.
    humiliation,
    is more for me.

    Good write!
    | Posted on 2010-10-05 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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