[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the outcome of my plotdots

    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 605
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 587

       this morning didnt go too well...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe outcome of my plotdots

    she will cry more and more as time passes.
    why doesn't she just give up? shes just dreaming.
    if only she can get that through her head and see.

    but i know she won't. she's not capable...
    should i just drop my plans? she suffers enough...
    or would that mean i HAVE gone soft?
    sigh... the choices to make in this world are rough...

    my decision...
    i'll let her be.
    is more for me.

    so for now, ill let her cry

    Submitted on 2010-10-04 05:07:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way this piece is set up. The lack of capitalization as well as the structure reinforce the stream of conscious and conversation tone of it.

    The increased use of periods in the second stanza softens the piece at that point, creating a good transition to the ending of it.

    This part seemed a bit off in rhythm; it lacked the "stream" tone the rest of the piece has:

    my decision...
    i'll let her be.
    is more for me.

    Good write!
    | Posted on 2010-10-05 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    AI written by poetotoe
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    Every..... written by jackz
    Bond written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]