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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why Are You Doing This To Me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 499
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 772



    Description:
       Kinda iffy, I know. Probably falls under "Angst Poetry" but it's just a spur of the moment think, y'know.
    Any thoughts/comments are welcome, negative or positive (:
    ~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy Are You Doing This To Me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why are you doing this to me?
    I cannot take it anymore.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    I don't know you like before.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    It hurts me to the core.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    She's so much better, I'm sure.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    It's like you want to hurt me more.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Don't try to settle the score...

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Watch my tears hit the floor.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Just [please] walk out the door.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Let me know when I can breathe
    Once more.




    Submitted on 2010-10-14 02:24:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      ref description:

    I find the rhyming boring.

    anymore / me more / once more.

    The sentiment is relevant but here it's like bullet points that highlight a generic feeling everyone has experienced at one point or another. Poems are often attempted this way, but if you don't go out of your way to make them different and express them in different ways then it means that anyone who has read a fair to average amount of poetry will just shut it down and stop reading because they've already read this poem 300 0 times.

    If you think about it makes sense. I assume that you are fairly new to poetry and if you relate it to life/growing up etc then people all have to make the same mistakes (in general) to get to the point where they have mastery over something. Learning to walk suggests falling, suggests wobbling, suggests one step, suggests walking etc etc. So there's no shame in being at any particular point where poetry is concerned. Reading, critique and practice all help.

    Here are some interesting things or.... some things I find interesting when looking at the poem:

    Why are you doing this to me?
    I cannot take it anymore.

    How much would he/she take on a regular basis so long as it fell fractionally below the maximum threshold?

    On the one hand I'm being a bit of a smartass, and on the other it' an example of looking at something differently, doing that often gets you kick started on the way to something new.

    This from .....

    good luck to you.
    | Posted on 2010-10-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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