[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Why Are You Doing This To Me?dots

    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 547
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 772

       Kinda iffy, I know. Probably falls under "Angst Poetry" but it's just a spur of the moment think, y'know.
    Any thoughts/comments are welcome, negative or positive (:

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy Are You Doing This To Me?dots

    Why are you doing this to me?
    I cannot take it anymore.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    I don't know you like before.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    It hurts me to the core.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    She's so much better, I'm sure.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    It's like you want to hurt me more.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Don't try to settle the score...

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Watch my tears hit the floor.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Just [please] walk out the door.

    Why are you doing this to me?
    Let me know when I can breathe
    Once more.

    Submitted on 2010-10-14 02:24:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ref description:

    I find the rhyming boring.

    anymore / me more / once more.

    The sentiment is relevant but here it's like bullet points that highlight a generic feeling everyone has experienced at one point or another. Poems are often attempted this way, but if you don't go out of your way to make them different and express them in different ways then it means that anyone who has read a fair to average amount of poetry will just shut it down and stop reading because they've already read this poem 300 0 times.

    If you think about it makes sense. I assume that you are fairly new to poetry and if you relate it to life/growing up etc then people all have to make the same mistakes (in general) to get to the point where they have mastery over something. Learning to walk suggests falling, suggests wobbling, suggests one step, suggests walking etc etc. So there's no shame in being at any particular point where poetry is concerned. Reading, critique and practice all help.

    Here are some interesting things or.... some things I find interesting when looking at the poem:

    Why are you doing this to me?
    I cannot take it anymore.

    How much would he/she take on a regular basis so long as it fell fractionally below the maximum threshold?

    On the one hand I'm being a bit of a smartass, and on the other it' an example of looking at something differently, doing that often gets you kick started on the way to something new.

    This from .....

    good luck to you.
    | Posted on 2010-10-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    untitled written by Chelebel
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    To written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]